I was surprised to find this line when reading an article about Bush’s oil fixation:

It’s as if our addict-in-chief is saying to us: “C’mon, guys, you know you want a little more of the good stuff. One more hit, baby. Just one more toke on the ole oil pipe. I promise, next year, we’ll all go straight. I’ll even put a wind turbine on my presidential library. But for now, give me one more pop from that drill, please, baby. Just one more transfusion of that sweet offshore crude.”

Um…what?

UPDATE: Try saying it out loud. Go on.

The lame-duck Bush bandwagon is still in denial about its abuse and misuse of intelligence when deciding to invade Iraq in 2003:

“We acted on the intelligence that we had, and that the entire world had,” spokeswoman Dana Perino told reporters after Mr Rudd’s alleged “abuse of intelligence information” led to regime change in Baghdad.

“No-one else in the world, no other government, had different information and so we acted based on what was the threat that was presented to us.”

It’s a strange kind of zero-sum game when you invade foreign nations on the basis of dubious or thinly-extrapolated evidence of WMD, then argue ‘Well nobody had any evidence that there weren’t WMD…’ Apparently in this ludicrous new world order, you are likely to be invaded for possessing something unless someone else can prove that you don’t have it. And of course, no WMD were ever found, despite some flimsy and often deceitful attempts to suggest that stockpiles once existed and were somehow destroyed or spirited out of the country.

Hindsight and history will paint the Iraq War as a foreign policy folly of significant proportions. It has brought the deaths of 4,000 US soldiers, more than 1,000 civilian contractors and an inestimable number of Iraqi soldiers, police and civilians. It has cost the US in the region of $3 trillion at a time of economic decline and domestic need, such as Hurricane Katrina. The stabilisation of Iraq is now inextricably hinged to an American military presence that, once withdrawn, will see Iraq descend into a sectarian quagmire. There will be gross regional instability that will almost certainly draw in Iran, Syria, the northern Kurds and Turkey, not to mention remnant al Qaeda elements.

None of that belies the contribution of many elements of the multinational force, including the 14,000 Australians who have served in Iraq. It’s worth celebrating their thoughtful contribution in the wake of a thoughtless invasion. But it should also be acknowledged that Iraq is a patchwork of local, tribal and sectarian divisions - some more febrile and unstable than others - and that our zone in the south was considerably more manageable than Baghdad or those in north and central Iraq. We should be thankful because this has allowed us to withdraw without a single military death - but we should also recognise that it wasn’t only the professionalism of our soldiers that permitted this.

We are better off out of it and well clear of our fawning support for US action there, one of John Howard’s repugnant legacies. As for Iraq itself, Andrew Bolt might think the war is over, but I suspect it’s the ‘end of the beginning’ rather than the other way round.

School sets low targets for student scores to ensure that targets are met.

“The modified course only needs to contain one assessment task (maybe the easiest one). The student only needs to get 50 per cent to get an SA (satisfactory achievement) or 15 per cent to get an RA (recorded achievement). It’s that easy!”

President sets low target for reducing carbon emissions to ensure that target is met.

Mr Bush has unveiled a plan to halt the growth of US emissions by 2025…

Oh, the hilarity.

The Federal Opposition wants Prime Minister Kevin Rudd to use his upcoming meeting with United States President George W Bush to lobby the US to sign up to the Kyoto Protocol.

Bwah! Ha, ha, ha!

Mr Rudd arrives in Washington this morning… Opposition climate change spokesman Greg Hunt said Mr Rudd should… urge the US to follow Australia’s lead and sign Kyoto.

“When George W Bush came to Sydney they forgot to raise climate change,” he told Channel Seven.

“They” forgot to raise climate change? “They”? Is this “they” the ALP who were then in opposition and completely powerless to implement policy? And Greg Hunt is criticising them for not discussing Kyoto with Bush last year? (Actually, maybe Hunt was at the time all too aware that his joke of a Party were dead in the water come November.)

Is this the Greg Hunt that is a member of the party that was in power for eleven long years and never once put the word on the USA to sign Kyoto despite the close personal relationship between its leader and the US President?

Besides from being a Herculean backflip this is just further repudiation by the Liberal Party of everything that John Howard stood for and his policies driven by personal ideology.

That politics and religion should be separated
(Read the whole debate)

Third affirmative: Magic Bellybutton

Since John is stubbornly refusing to see reason (and really, it is to be expected from people such as him), I’m just going to have to resort to treating this in exactly the same way as him – like a game

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you:

FreedomJeopardy!

Rules are simple. There will be 5 answers. You must work out the correct question to go with this answer. Host is the host, Playa is the contestant. The money you win goes towards getting your family out of Iraq and away from America’s crusade.

First answer.

Playa: I’ll take Megalomaniacal Delusions for $100 thanks Host

Host: Ordered great monuments to be built by slaves as they were rulers seen as gods on earth.

Playa: Who are the Pharaohs?

Host: Correct.

***We interrupt this program to bring you some breaking news. Prime Minister Tony Abbott has announced that Steve Fielding is to be crowned King of Australia. We will give you more information as it comes to hand.***

Second answer.

Playa: I’ll take Random Acts of Catholicism for $200 thanks.

Host: No one expects this.

Playa: What is the Spanish Inquisition?

Host: Correct.

***This just in. Starting immediately, all laws will be reviewed to ensure that they adhere to God’s Will. All non-Christians, Homosexuals, Feminists and Pinko Lefties are to report to their nearest police station immediately for bar-coding and processing.***

Third answer.

Playa: I’ll take Utter Bastards for $400 please.

Host: Sycophants who can easily be bought by the Exclusive Brethren for a cup of coffee at Gloria Jeans

Playa: Who is the Australian Liberal Party?

Host: Correct!

***More breaking news: Fred Nile will be assisting the King in this review, while Cardinal George Pell has been given special permission from the Pope himself to be Australia’s High Inquisitor.***

Fourth answer.

Playa: How about…Religion = Stupidity for $300!

Host: He claimed that the invasions of Afghanistan and Iraq were missions from God.

Playa: Who is George W Bush?

Host: Correct!

***Women’s health groups are up in arms at the announcement that all stocks of contraceptive pills will be destroyed. Furthermore, the King has issued orders that effective immediately, any woman seeking to terminate a pregnancy (or possible pregnancy) for any reason is to be placed in a Federal Maternity Care Facility. These facilities are to ensure the health of the mother while she carries the child to full-term. Extensive counselling from on-site chaplains will be available for all expectant mothers.***

Final answer!

Playa: I’ll take “Always Right” for $500 thanks Host

Host: She is always right no matter what John Surname may otherwise claim.

Playa: Who is Magic Bellybutton?

Host: Correct! Yes, not a well known question that one. I’m really impressed you knew it.

Playa: Magic Bellybutton is the shit.

Host: But of course.

Six months later:

In the end, everyone was bent to His will. The King has spoken and those who failed to comply soon found that life was very difficult for them. The world grew very dark. Anyone suspected of non-conformity was labelled Un-Australian and found themselves to be under investigation from Cardinal Pell’s Righteous Rulers Special Service. Many people disappeared and were never seen by their friends for family again.

The King looked over his domain and smiled to himself. Everyone is happy when they have the right morals imposed on them. They come to understand that there is only One Way.

He turned around and went into his bedroom. Now, where did he put that Baby Jesus Butt Plug?

That politics and religion should be separated
(Read the whole debate)

Second affirmative: Magic Bellybutton

I’d like to thank John for letting everyone know that I was right.

What, you didn’t catch it? Go back and reread what he wrote.

Did you see it?

Yes Virginia, he said I used a “fake” hypothetical.

Given that a hypothetical is by its very nature based on an untruth, by saying mine was fake he was actually saying it was a fake fake, that is, true. Thank you, John. Much appreciated.

Now funnily enough, I got an email on Friday from a most unexpected correspondent. They asked that I pass a message on to you. Given who it was, I couldn’t bring myself to say no (click for larger, more readable image):

Now, anyone who says you cannot do things because of something that is written in the Bible is a dickhead of the highest order. (That’s right, I swear. Those of you who are shocked really need to move with the times. Geez.) Furthermore, when it is a politician (why I created them I do not know. They are sooooo skeezy. Sorry, where was I? Oh yes.) When it is a politician who is telling you what you can and cannot do and they are using my novel as the basis for their fascist dictates, they are really crossing the line. Pete (St Peter) is under strict instructions not to let them into Heaven – we don’t need their kind here. Seriously. They’re a Downer. (Heh heh. See what I did there?)

Anyway, religion and politics do not belong together. It was never intended that way. Religion is really just a way for those lacking imagination and intelligence to deal with day-to-day life. I notice that John speaks (in My Name no less!) of Tony Abbott. Man, that guy really gives me the shits. How dare he tell women what they can do with their bodies! And governments have no right to say you cannot marry the person you love. My Me!

Religion is not the moral yardstick of the populace. There are some obvious things that you just don’t do (if I have to spell them out, then we need to talk) and I generally find most people are moral by nature. It is instinctive to do the right thing and not harm others. As you were growing out of the primordial ooze billions of years ago, I made a deal with Mother (Nature) that you would develop what is now called a conscience. Your own personal morals are what should guide you in most cases, and politicians have no right to dictate to you what your morals should be. As long as you are not harming anyone or anything, I don’t really have a problem with it.

Politicians need to stick to what they allegedly know best – how to run the country, making sure that ALL people are looked after, regardless of race, religion, bank balance, gender or sexuality.

In addition, I do not tell people to go to war. War is the very last resort. Like when that horrid Adolf started persecuting Jews and saying they were “dirty”. (Now there’s a man who knew what dirty was. You should have seen the stuff he and Eva got up to in that bunker!) His behaviour towards the Jews was completely immoral and people were right to ensure that his evil did not spread further. I’m still trying to clean up the mess he made. And he was a politician.

Don’t mix your politics and religion. I don’t want to come back down there.

(Oh, and I would NEVER talk to that moron George W Bush. What a tool. Mo’ – Mohammed - hates him too. Keeps bugging me to smite his arse. But I’m trying to cut down on the smiting. Gives me indigestion.)

She went on a bit more but it’s not really relevant here. I’ll post the rest of Her email on my blog this weekend. She really is quite entertaining! (How did I know it was Her? She knew things I’ve never told a soul.)

I’ve managed to make it nearly 32 years without acting immorally. And I don’t even try that hard to be moral. It comes naturally. I’m offended that politicians would make laws based on a religion that I find irrelevant. They trust us to vote them in, they should trust us to behave in the best interests of not just ourselves, but others.