The challenge was to lose by less than 20 goals and the mighty, mighty GroupThinkFC rose to the challenge, losing by only eight goals. With a final scoreline of 11-3 against the best team in the competition, GroupThinkFC is into the finals series! Bring on the slaughter (of us)!

Respect our authoriteh!

Today is possibly the most momentous day in the history of sport. Ever. For tonight the mighty GroupThinkFC, barring monumental fuckup, will go through to the finals series of its soccer competition.

Is it possible that this uniform could finally demand a little bit of respect?

You read that right, GrodsReaders: GroupThinkFC + finals. This is the same team that has spent three seasons getting predictably and embarrassingly creamed on a weekly basis, but getting gradually better in the process. Better enough, it seems, to clock up a couple of genuinely good wins in the past few weeks and make it into the top four. Of course, given the form of the top three compared to GTFC we’d be slaughtered in the finals, but it would just be nice to play.

Take that, Emos and nerds!

So tonight’s the last game of the regular season and Roger Rogenous (Ant’s brother) has calculated that if we lose by less than 20 goals we’re finals-bound. Mind you, if anyone can lose by 20 goals it’s the people’s football team. Cross your fingers for us and I’ll post a match report tomorrow morning.

And not a moment too soon.

(May or may not be a trophy I “won” for participation in primary school soccer)

After the past few weeks of humiliation we had reached crisis point, where a loss to soccer’s favourite emos would result in GTFC members self-harming. But we won, we won by playing rooly good soccer, and we won for the first time as a complete team with nobody missing. Six glorious goals to two.

Suck shit, emos.

Luckily the game wasn’t without its funny moments thanks to the tall ginger emo who spends most of the game in goal laughing maniacally at things that aren’t funny. At one point he was on the field and marking Jeremy when he shrieked, “Stop looking at my balls! Why are you looking at my balls?” I swear that Jeremy only glanced at ginger’s balls. It was hardly a stare.

Then when the freak was marking me he said, “You look just like my friend Scott. I liiiiike my friend Scott.” Exactly how do you respond to that?

Anyway, despite the late finish we retired to bar for a quick victory beer (or cola for one member — guesses in comments.) Cheers to the mighty, mighty GroupThinkFC!

Bartender! Make mine a cordial.

Couldn’t have happened to a nicer bunch of mongs.

The sweet, sweet taste of third place

Remember the bunch of pathetic Emos that facilitated GroupThinkFC’s only win last season? And remember how we were scheduled to fight them for the wooden spoon in the final round but they got scared and didn’t show up? Well, tonight sees the highly anticipated rematch between GroupThinkFC and Target Practice, and this time it’s personal. But a win is not at all a foregone conclusion for two reasons:

1) Champion goalkeeper Ant Rogenous isn’t playing due to “other commitments”, whatever that means; and

2) I’m playing, and I’ve missed every GTFC victory due to “other commitments” or injury, causing my teammates to wonder aloud if my presence at matches is a bad omen.

Place yer bets in comments and wish us luck. Match report later.

UPDATE: A glorious GroupThinkFC victory: 8-7. Suck shit, Emos.

Last night Jeremy Sear, Ant Rogenous and I played the first game of GroupThinkFC’s third season, and at the end of round one we’re sitting pretty in third place with one win. But we lost the game 10-3. I’ll leave it up to you to study the table and work out why.

Purple Cobras? WTF?

Still here! No seppuku as predicted, although last night didn’t exactly go as planned. We showed up at the sports centre only to be told that the gutless emo sops had forfeited the match, so the four points were ours and, most importantly, the wooden spoon wasn’t. However, beating such a sad excuse for a sporting team in the race away from the wooden spoon isn’t exactly an achievement to be proud of.

So we were offered two options: go home or play a replacement team for shits and giggles. We chose shits and giggles, even though there were a lot more shits than there were giggles because the team was from a couple of divisions above ours and they wiped the floor with us 10-0. They were a smart arse bunch of pricks who were head-over-heels in love with themselves. Here are the names from the back of their jerseys in reverse order of fucktardness:

• JOHNNY
• TTFU
• BOT DIDDLE
• CUMB DUNT
• SO… GOOD
• 69 HURRICANE

Plus I — how you say? — did a hammy after only four minutes on the pitch. That makes two injuries for the season and officially makes me the most pathetic and injury-prone member of the team.

But whatever. A victory is a victory and we’ll take them any way they come — that’s the GroupThinkFC way. Bring on season three.

GroupThinkFC is gearing up for its last match of the season tonight, and it’s going to be a fierce battle to avoid the wooden spoon. Remember the team of aggressive emo mongs that we (um, everyone except me, that is) defeated several weeks ago? Well, they’re our adversaries this evening and everything’s at stake.

It’s a bottom-of-the-table battle for ultimate mong status

Only three points separate Target Practice and GroupthinkFC on the table and the winner tonight will walk away with four points. So in a nutshell: a loss tonight will force all members of GroupThinkFC to commit seppuku which, besides from creating a bloody awful mess on court four of the sports centre, will leave Bron, Bridgit and John in charge of GrodsCorp, and put Anonymous Lefty into permanent hibernation.

Actually, when you think about it that may not be such a bad thing.

It’s GroupThinkFC’s second last game of the season today, unless, of course, we make it to the finals. And that’s a real possibility when you consider who we’re playing tonight.

Think Geelong vs. Hawthorn and then unthink it. It’ll be more like Geelong vs. the Brunswick under-8s.

Trust me to be at another humiliating GroupThinkFC defeat* (3-8; congratulations to champion GTFC vs. Weezers tipster, Keri) while the exciting news of a Liberal Party leadership spill floods the airways. If Nelson does get pegged tomorrow then brokenleftleg will be our champion Nelson’s demise tipster. However, I’m hoping like all hell for one of three outcomes:

a) Turnbull is thoroughly rebuked by the party and suffers terminal ego cancer, and GrodsCorp continues to have Nelson as blog fodder for the foreseeable future;
b) Costello is voted in by a reasonable majority but refuses to accept leadership unless he receives 100% support; or
c) Wilson Tuckey gets up.

Whatever happens it’s going to be an interesting day. Bring it on!

UPDATE: The Age has confirmed that Julie Bishop, Tony Abbott and Joe Hockey are all out of the running for leader.

Joe Hockey, Tony Abbott and deputy Liberal leader Julie Bishop have all been pegged as potential leadership aspirants.

* I didn’t even get the chance to grab an opposition player’s balls because I was in too much pain after my balls got slammed by an opposition player’s hip.

Remember GroupThinkFC’s crushing victory over the hopeless emo soccer team, Target Practice, two weeks ago? Well, last week Target Practice went down to a team called Weezers for exactly the same score as they did GTFC: 1-14.

You’d be forgiven for thinking that GroupThinkFC were at the same standard as Weezers

Tonight GroupThink is playing Weezers and, based on the carefully selected statistic above, we look like a genuine chance. Thing is, we’ve played them twice before this season and lost both times (3-13 and 3-11). So now that you’re armed with all the facts it’s tippin’ time. Leave your scoreline prediction in comments and the winner will win… something.

UPDATE: Bridgit has noted in comments that one very relevant piece of information is missing from the form guide above: whether or not I’m playing. Remember that I’ve missed all three of GTFC’s wins.

I am playing in this match. Although, my toe is almost totally healed and my death flu is gone.

Went to camp and got a severe dose of kiddie flu. Also got really hungry because I refused to eat at a dinner table that bore this sign.

Trust me, there was more than one teacher

I was also arrested by security guards at a wildlife park for attempting to vandalise the following signs.

Death to all grocer’s

Not. A. Plural.

Then I got home with an incompletely-healed dislocated toe which, together with the flu, forced me to withdraw from last night’s almost-certain-to-win GroupThinkFC match. I’ll let Ant fill you in later. I’m too depressed.

Glorious Ant Rogenous brings glory to this glorious team strip

So I’m in Ant Rogenous’ car yesterday on the way to our latest GroupThinkFC defeat, when I ask him about the emergency replacement he’d organised for Billybob (who is an emergency replacement for Jeremy.)

Editor: What’s this guy’s name then?

Rogenous: Trevor*

Editor: Is he any good?

Rogenous: He’s a bit like you — good cardiovascular, can run. He’s fit but…

Editor: Shit?

Rogenous: Um…

Editor: It’s okay. They’re my words, not yours.

Rogenous: Well then, yes.

And then at the end of the game the referee came up to Ant — who is GTFC’s goalkeeper — and said, “Good work, mate. If you’d had more support from your team there you might’ve won.”

Bastard.

But in the sweetest of ironies I scored a goal last night while Rogenous scored a yellow card for calling this complete cockhead on the other team with spray-on shorts a “cockhead”. Karma.

* May not be genuine name

The uniform worn with dignity in defeat

Before I headed off for tonight’s GroupthinkFC match I mentioned to a friend that I had to pay a fee to play. “You mean,” she asked while thinking about our dismal record, “that you’ve got to pay to lose?”

Good point, well made.

But if Jeremy asks make sure you tell him that we’ve won every match while he’s been away. It’ll burn him up inside and ruin his holiday. Sweeeet.

 Our comrades in the Chinese sweatshop have finally delivered the goods!

The timing couldn’t have been better, either: the People’s Football Club™ begins its new campaign for glory tomorrow night.

Virgin season, fresh start — and with shiny new uniforms, only John Surname an imbecile would bet against us taking out the championship.

You can keep track of our results here.

And remember: show your support and solidarity by keeping the jeering to an absolute minimum.