Look, I’ve been a bit distracted these past two weeks, okay? I know I’m the first GrodsTeam member among equal GrodsTeam members and I have a responsibility to keep posting and commenting on this website, but sometimes real life walks into the blogging room wearing a ticking vest of shit-to-fuck-your-life-up bombs and martyrs itself. So shut up. Here are a few GrodsNibbles I’ve jotted down recently.

1) Iguanagate
I’ve been very much out of the news loop this past week or so and the whole “Iguanagate” “scandal” bemuses me. Ken L at Road To Surfdom summed it up beautifully when he wrote this.

It’s remarkable how being out of Australia for even 10 days, liberated from daily exposure to the news, can provide fresh perspectives on life.

On arriving home I found that the story du jour was about something called ‘iguanagate’ - the very name reeked so much of triviality and childishness that I couldn’t be bothered trying to find out what it was all about.

I mean, seriously. Is this the most important political issue in this country? Even in the top 100? If someone was visiting this country and picked up a paper to see what’s going down politicially they’d be within their rights to consider our nation to be a total joke. As my kids at school say in these instances: What. Evah. Maaaaaan.

2) Nelson Iguanagate doorstop gold
Of course Bren-doc Nelson has jumped on this total non-issue faster than a customs official on a heroin-filled condom that fell out of a smuggler’s arse. In a doorstop yesterday he gave four long answers to hard-hitting journalist questions, crapping on about how Belinda Neal and the Labor Party are destroying democracy, but did a brilliant u-turn and quickly aborted the interview when a journalist changed the course of the questioning and addressed a much more important issue.

QUESTION: A Labor official claims that the racist pamphlets handed out during the election campaign in the seat of Lindsay were created in a Liberal MPs office. What do you think about these claims and should there be some sort of investigation?

DR NELSON: Well, as we know from the Iguana Joe incident, Labor people will say and do anything.

Thanks.

P to the W to the N to the E to the D.

3) Rolling stock belongs to laughing stock
Australia’s most useless public transport minister, Lynne Kosky, has claimed that she didn’t release tender documents to the public (leaked recently by the Liberal opposition) because the uneducated plebs might find them “confusing”. Of course the public would find them confusing; after reading them I’m at a loss to work out how the government could possibly screw the system even more. In an effort to attract bids for running a system that is already at 100% capacity with no prospect of real investment in infrastructure, the Labor government is offering to reimburse most of the costs of tendering and restrict fines for bad service.

Disgraceful. Just disgraceful.

4) JB Hi-Fi is, like, so gnarly, dude
It’s official: JB Hi-Fi’s catalogues are written by 11 year olds.

I certainly felt the sickness when I read this