Election 2007 kicked off for me at 5am on Saturday morning with a day of election filmmaking duties ahead, and finished up nearly 24 hours later when I collapsed into bed in a reasonable state of inebriation and exhaustion. I would’ve had roughly the same itinerary if there was a Liberal victory although the Great Ruddslide ‘07 made the day one of immense joy and jubilation. Bridgit Gread has already written a brilliant wrap of the RWDB reaction to Australia Decides ‘07 so here’s the rest as seen through GrodsCorp’s eyes.

Summary
Everyone knows what happened thanks to tonnes of proper election analysis in the MSM and the blogosphere so I might just mention a single point that especially makes me smile: Family First have gone from strength-to-strength with their national primary vote climbing -0.04% to the massive total of 1.97%, while their nemesis, the “extreme” Greens, grew their vote by 0.4% to 7.59%.

Suck shit, Steve Fielding. There’s now absolutely no doubt that once that stain on democracy is removed from the Senate in 2010 we’ll never have Family First make either chamber look untidy again.

How the candidates went
Let’s check out those aspiring politicians to whom GrodsCorp paid attention during the campaign (all figures are from AEC website at 5:50pm, 26 November 2007.)

Stuart Ulrich, independent for Charlton, scored 2.29% of the primary vote which he can partly attribute to scoring first place on the ballet (sic) paper. (Read this if you want to understand the “ballet” joke.) Still a not-totally-shite result despite the donkey vote.

Jemma Tribe, Family First for Cunningham, polled half a percentage point less than her party’s national average with 1.48% of the primary vote. If she was Steve Fielding, and with numbers like that, she’d be sitting in Parliament right now.

Stewart Glass, independent for the Senate in South Australia, has built a solid base for another tilt in 2010 with 65 votes, or 0.01% of the primary vote. Maybe his campaign was a hammer and the election was a wood screw? (As John Surname said when he saw Stewart’s YouTube video: “Buy a screwdriver.”)

Zane Alcorn (AKA MC Doc Fruit), Socialist Alliance for Wills, scored 0.73% of the primary; Margarita Windisch, Socialist Alliance for the Senate in Victoria, managed 0.08%.

Philip Nitschke, independent for Menzies, gathered a respectable 3.91% of the primary vote in a blue-ribbon Liberal seat against the (ex) minister for immigration, Kevin Andrews. Here’s hoping he can boost that percentage up to 4% with absentees and postals to get his deposit back.

Lachlan Connor
Look, I’ll be honest with you. We were all ready to shoot two episodes of Lachlan Connor, Independent during the GrodsElectionParty but when things started to go oh-so-right we started to get oh-so-drunk. There was no chance that we were going to tear ourselves away from the telly long enough to turn the camera on, and even if we did get the camera turned on we probably would’ve pointed it the wrong way and forgot to put a tape in. So Lachlan will appear in an epilogue episode this week and that’ll have to do.

Disgraceful behaviour
Some of you may be aware of the allegation that Kevin Andrews tore down the posters of an opposing candidate on election day. Andrew denies that he committed this offence with a spokesperson from his office saying, “It’s not true, it’s absolute rubbish.” Well, I can say that I was rather closely involved with the whole incident on Saturday and I have no choice but to declare that Kevin Andrews is a lying liar who lies.

The Liberal Party
Decimated. Pure and simple. I hope with every fibre of my being that Tony Abbott is elected leader so that it implodes just a little bit more.

In conclusion
John Howard, you are a national embarrassment. May you never have another chance to fuck this country up in any capacity ever again. Good riddance.

Stewart Glass, independent for the Senate in South Australia, uses visual metaphors to hammer home his points about government and liberty.

Episode 39: In which Lachlan, on the eve of the poll, reflects on the final weeks of his campaign for election to the Senate.
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A few months ago GrodsCorp introduced you to Stuart Ulrich, independent for Charlton, who came to our attention after he wrote a cryptic email to Lachlan Connor.

Hi Lachlan

Stuart Ulrich from the seat of Charlton, I myself will also be running as an independent.

Just something remember the constitution.

At the Parliament House website one can search for the why behind this, using constitutional debates for the search.

As I have found our government and those in Canberra, that’s is all of them are constitutionally inept.

The constitution holds certain powers for federal and those of the states that they had when the constitution was signed is 1900.

Good Luck

Stuart

At the time I asked for readers to assist us in the translation of the above message but Stuart left a comment that, in its attempt to clear up the confusion, only baffled us more.

Hi Lachlan.

To decode this is easy.

The political party i have been working on is about the people.

Federal Government is there to represent the people and states not political parties.

The parties can put forward candidates but once in government are supposed to be independent.
Remember it is the electorate that you should be concerned with.

Some say, well a constitution is old and out of date, but until such times that we have a referendum to change this then the rules are there.
We all know that behind the rules are the reasoning that has created these documents, and this goes for all.

The party TAPP was created to bring together those who wish to stand for the people and still be free to act accordinally.

Now Lachlan if you wish to contact me I am happy but if you cannot ask a question about our constitution then we certainly are in trouble.

With debates outlines how things are supposed to work.

Stuart Ulrich
Independent Candidate for Charlton

So imagine my delight when I found a Lachlan Connor-esque video of Stuart Ulrich on the YouTubes that makes even less sense than Stuart’s writing. Enjoy!

Episode 38: In which Billy mourns the loss of Jacob.
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A few weeks ago we introduced you to NSW Senate aspirant James Purser. James’ Lachlan Connor-esque campaign looked to be in full swing but it appears that the wheels have come off.

Back in July 2007 I had had enough. After watching yet another exchange between the Government and the Opposition on who’s half baked broadband plan is going to best serve the nation, I decided that instead of yelling at the television I would actually try and do something about it. So I announced that I was going to run for the Senate as an independent.

Unfortunately I missed one vital area in my campaign, raising funds, and so I was unable to raise the $1000.00 deposit and hence missed the boat.

So What Now?

Now I start planning for the next election. I still don’t have any confidence that either side of the political spectrum is going to do what is necessary to bring this country to the point where it can compete with the top nations. There isn’t the vision that is required to do things like aim for Fibre To The Home instead of Fibre To The Node, or create a national network of renewable energy production plants.

So I’m going to be on the outside shouting in. I’m going to be prodding which ever party forms the next government to try and ensure that we get the vision that we deserve.

Better start printing up those James10 t-shirts.

Episode 36: In which Jacob runs into trouble with the law and disappears.
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Episode 35: In which Lachlan reflects on the challenges of grassroots campaigning.
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The Editor spent the first years of his life in Dapto, south of Wollongong, and it is from here that James Purser is campaigning for a NSW Senate seat. James’ YouTube videos are up there with Lachlan Connor’s personal broadcasts for production quality and that special personal touch. Here’s his first:

If you’re still not convinced about the Purser-Connor synergy just check out this quote from James Purser…

Do you want a representative that has a vision beyond “follow the leader”? Do you want someone who can deal with both sides of politics to ensure that this country regains it’s place as one of the leaders? Do you want someone who views the coming challenges as an opportunity to grow rather than a political tool?

I can be that representative. I can be that someone.

…and compare it to this quote from Lachlan Connor.

If I’m elected to serve as a Senator for the Victorian people I will follow what can truly be called a centrist path. None of this dog-whistle politics, or politics of fear and insularity. None of this me-too popularism. I’m sick of politicians who are anti-intellectual, who are afraid to think outside the square. I think politicians should be people we can look up to; people we can trust.

I can be that people.

Spooky.

With income tax the big issue of the campaign so far, Lachlan Connor has released his own tax policy.

Episode 34: In which Lachlan holds a meeting to revise his policies and update his website.
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I’ve been away on a work thing since Tuesday with no internet access. I’ve got to admit that getting away from the tubes now and again is cleansing for the soul. Then again, being on the beach was pretty bloody cleansing as well.

But isn’t it bizarre that you walk away from your laptop and website for only a few days and heaps of shit happens that is really blogable? Bridgit and John have done a great job covering the best of the week’s events but here are two things I noticed when I returned home this afternoon.

1) Lachlan Connor, Independent reviewed by Helen Razer
I spent the mid 90s listening to Helen Razer on Triple J breakfast and think she’s just grouse. Now she thinks Lachlan Connor is at least slightly better than total shit. Here she is writing in Crikey:

As we know, J-Ho and Kevin-in-The-Back-Seat-Of-My-Cadillac have thrilled cineastes the world over with their sterling YouTube contributions. And if this wasn’t enough to convince you that top-down media had been displaced rather in the fashion of a buttery upside-down cake, just have a look at what the electorate is doing.

[…]

The offering by Lachlan Connor, Victorian independent candidate for Senate, is rather like John Howard’s scalp. Which is to say, rather dry in patches. This is certainly the Wayne’s World isomer for Election ‘07.

Awesome! I’ll get a warm fuzzy for the rest of my life whenever I think of those quotes, although as GrodsReaders have been debating, nobody seems quite sure about what Razer means by “isomer”. Now that I know that Helen Razer is watching I might have to have a crack at writing some actual — gasp — scripts, rather than making it up as we go along.

2) Samuel Gordon-Stewart, no longer independent
In disappointing news, Canberra’s own Samuel Gordon-Stewart has withdrawn from his tilt at the seat of Fraser.

the mail reason for my withdrawal from candidature is a lack of support. Despite the handful of people who have put their hand up to sign my nomination form this week, I am still well short of the required fifty signatures. At the beginning of the week, when I made this decision, I was short of twenty signatures, and had about a week to get just over 30 more.

It wasn’t impossible, but at that stage, with a couple other minor issues getting in the way (issues that I could have overcome but were just incredibly inconvenient and poorly timed), and the fact that I have non-refundable bookings for a week-long holiday in Sydney next week that I booked nearly two months ago, I decided that the best option for me, and for Fraser, was for me to withdraw from the race.

Another thing which really hit home on Sunday whilst I was standing outside Government House waiting for the Prime Minister to arrive and meet the Governor-General, was that as much as I was telling myself that I was there as a candidate to witness an historic event, I couldn’t shake the fact that I was there as a journalist (and before any of the usual suspects get started, no, not just for this website). I enjoy journalism, I enjoy being a caller on talkback radio, and oddly, I like the little bit of anonymity that affords me. These things just don’t mix with politics.

Should we start printing up some Samuel10 t-shirts?

Episode 33: In which Lachlan responds to John Howard’s announcement of the election date as Billy arrives home from Canberra.
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Barely an hour after John Howard called the election yesterday GrodsCorp spoke to Dr Philip Nitschke, independent candidate for the seat of Menzies, about his campaign.

You can visit Dr Nitschke’s website here, or his YouTube channel here.

Episode 32: (Canberra — part three) In which Lachlan meets some Canberrans and Jacob searches for Billy’s “fireworks”.
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