The Gentle Right like to preach that global warming is “Leftist alarmism” despite the fact it’s based on sound scientific evidence (and why will no-one debate me? Oh, that’s right! I keep winning).

Alarmism obviously isn’t this:

When I grow up I want to be a principal or a caterpillar!

Nothing alarmist about that.

I spent the recent Christmas break with E and Baby Rogenous in Indonesia — a nation of some 237 million people, of whom close to 90 per cent are Muslim. We went in spite of the usual DFAT warnings about terrorism and in defiance of the Islamophobic idiocy of Francis “Quarantine or Genocide” Porretto and his ilk, because … well, frankly, because we thought we knew better.

Indeed, the government’s warnings and Teh Right’s fears seemed positively ludicrous while we were there. Everywhere we went, smiling locals wanted to chat and have their photos taken with us. Their approaches were never short of being polite, welcoming and perfectly innocent.

Or so we were led to believe…

On close inspection of our holiday snaps, it turns out we were wrong to be so carefree. Pernicious extremists were trying to kill us at every opportunity.

The photo below still sends a shiver down my spine. It was taken at a 1200-year-old Buddhist monument — which should have set off alarm bells immediately because, as we’re told, Muslims hate freedom of religion and therefore couldn’t have been visiting the site for any reason other than to destroy it. Oblivious to the danger and having proceeded to the top of the monument, we were approached by a group whose ostensible desire was to have a photo taken with the handsome Baby.

I’ve noted, for your untrained Leftist eyes, just a few of the ways our lives were put in jeopardy by these bloodthirsty lunatics:

1. Wiener kid has clearly swallowed a large quantity of explosives.
2. “We’ve got two of ’em, Osama!” Phone poised to play lethal Crazy Frog ringtone as soon as bin Laden returns the call.
3. Clove cigarette smells delicious but is killing us slowly with second-hand smoke.
4. Provocative hint of homosexualistism designed to distract me from imminent danger.
5. Anthrax residue.

Honestly, it’s a miracle that we made it back to Australia alive. Next Christmas we’re going to the United States, where no one ever gets murdered at random.