GrodsCorp’s favourite chef and podcast sound engineer, Craig, walked into my classroom this afternoon to fix a computer problem. I was reading a book to the kids and we all ignored him for a few minutes. When I reached the end of the chapter I closed the book and said in a loud, sing-song voice, “Hi, Craig!” All the kids parroted, “Hi, Craig!” after me, causing widdle Cwaigy to blush a little bit. I then joked that it was lucky I was reading aloud as Craig can’t read so he just looks at the pictures and guesses. Without missing a beat one of the kids (bless ‘em) announced confidently, “He might not be able to read but he sure can cook!”

Craig’s online anonymity has been pwned. Priceless.

I’ve taken to singing to my 12-week-old son this past month, and it’s led to a realisation all adults have sooner or later: the youth of today have musical taste up their arse.

Here are the last three songs I sang him:

1. Beyond the sea by Bobby Darin

Reaction: Apathy

2. Good day sunshine by The Beatles

Reaction: Indifference

3. I’ve been thinking about you by London Beat

Reaction: LOST HIS FUCKING MIND

Shi-pow-pow.

Sick of boring old Dick and Jane readers? Stuck for Christmas stocking-fillers? Fed up with the fascist media / Maoist teachers? Why not try some ‘political education texts for kids’. Reminiscent of those What’s Happening to Me? sex-ed books we sniggered at back in the 80s, all are cute, informative and (of course) thoroughly objective. There’s wonderful titles such as Why Mommy is a Democrat, Why War is a never a Good Idea and The Down-to-Earth Guide to Global Warming.

Our conservative friends shouldn’t feel left out. Also available is Help Mom! There are Liberals under My Bed (a possible crossover into the horror genre Down Under). For Bolt and Blair, there’s The Sky is Not Falling: Why it’s OK to chill about Global Warming (it’s blurb claims to give “kids the scoop, not just about global warming, but the real-world consequences of the Left’s responses to it”). At least we now know what’s on the coffee table at AWH headquarters.

The children of Australia are missing out and need their own titles, like Mummy, When’s the Election? and Why Kevin says Executing People is Wrong, except in Other Countries, Unless they are Australians. Suggestions?

What is it with politicians and try-hard kids’ pages on their websites? GrodsCorp has looked at John Howard’s kidZONE before but that abomination looks positively cutting edge when compared to Kevin Andrews’ Kids Page (no apostrophe in sight):

Yep. That’s it. Isn’t that simply the lamest piece of web design and content authoring you’ve ever seen? And I know that kids who are unfortunate enough to stumble across that page will be thrilled to be pointed towards the Commonwealth government’s Internet Police website.

But then again, it could be worse. The poor kids could burn their retinas on Kev’s photo page instead:

Aargh! My eyes!