It’s almost — almost — justifiable for the government to filter the country’s Internet feed, disallowing access to sites that feature “illegal” content. In the end it’s not justifiable for many reasons, including the difficulty to filter with 100% accuracy, the possibility that it will slow down everyone’s tubes from third world to fourth world standard, the restriction of free speech, and the simple question: who is the government to tell me what I can and can’t look at on my computer?

But this, while being totally expected, just bejokens a joke of a man to brand new depths of jokeness.

Family First Senator Steve Fielding wants hardcore pornography and fetish material blocked under the Government’s plans to filter the internet… But asked to specify the categories of content that Senator Fielding would like blocked by the mandatory first tier, a Family First spokeswoman indicated the party would want X-rated and refused classification (RC) content banned for everyone, including adults.

Who. The. Fuck. Does. This. Guy. Think. He. Is?

How dare Steve fucking Fielding fucking try to tell me what legal content I can and can’t download on my Interweb? What sort of (dare I say?) God complex has taken hold of this man? I mean, Steve Fielding — apart from attempting to seriously curtail my personal freedom — is suggesting that the government compulsorily block my access to about 95% of the Internerds (the other 5% is lolcats.)

Fuck you, Steve Fielding. And the 1.8% you rode in on.

In July the new Senate will sit and the Labor government is facing trouble in the Upper House where their 32 Senators are significantly outweighed by the 37 coalition Senators. The five Greens are sure to side with the ALP on most issues, bringing the numbers of the loose “left” coalition up to 37 Senators — an even match with the Libs and the Nats. That leaves two men sharing the balance of power in Australia’s Upper House: South Australian independent Nick Xenophon and Family First’s Steve Fielding. That means that the Pentecostal Church, through Steve Fielding, holds the balance of power in Australian politics on the back of 53,302 Victorian votes. Ain’t democracy grand?

So there’s no doubt that Kevin Rudd and Labor strategists are willing to try almost anything to secure Fielding’s vote in the Senate to ensure the smooth passage of their legislation. But isn’t it a bit rich to simply implement one of Family First’s policies (PDF)?

Family First: FAMILY FIRST believes that, as a first step, we should filter the worst sites at the ISP level

ALP: [ALP] Senator Conroy says it will be mandatory for all internet service providers to provide clean feeds, or ISP filtering, to houses and schools that are free of pornography and inappropriate material.

Family First: FAMILY FIRST proposes a system that allows adults who want pornography to ‘opt in’

ALP: Senator Conroy says anyone wanting uncensored access to the internet will have to opt out of the service.

There is so much wrong with this absurd policy that I don’t know where to start. Most of these things have been covered adequately in other places around the (currently un-censored) intertubes so I might just focus on two things:

1) How dare the government try tell me what I can and can’t look at on the internet? And even if I get on the phone to my ISP and demand to be removed from this ludicrous scheme, how dare they slow down my internet feed even more than it already is because everything needs to get checked against a massive blacklist of “inappropriate” sites?

2) The filter will block arbitrarily chosen websites on a static government blacklist. (Who decides what’s “inappropriate” anyway? Oh, that’s right — the Pentecostal Church.) Despite the fact that no blacklist in the world can ever contain every website that contains a single pornographic image, will the filter block Google to stop kids from clicking on this? Will it block Flickr to stop kids from signing up for a free account and searching for this? Will it block websites that aren’t pornographic but are dangerous to the minds of all sane and free-thinking humans?

Basically the filter will cost massive amounts of money, will slow down everyone’s internet feed, and won’t stop kids from seeing pornography. But it will make Steve Fielding feel all good and righteous and encourage him to return the ALP’s favour sometime later this year.

I hope Steve Fielding enjoys his three years as de facto Prime Minister because in 2010 he and his disgrace of a political party are going to disappear from the Australian political scene forever. They’ll make One Nation look mainstream.