I’m not going to lie to you — I’ve always wondered about the etiquette and mechanics of whacking off in space. I mean, you’re on the International Space Station for a few months at a time with no social interaction (besides from workmates), so surely you’d get the urge to release a little pressure now and again. I’ve long been curious about whether you’d get the privacy and time to do it, and how the actual act would work. Don’t even mention clean up. (Unless, of course, you took your Fleshlight, although that might be vetoed by mission control due to weight.)

I need wonder no more.

And no matter how stressed anyone gets, [cosmonauts] can’t even enjoy a little release by manipulating their own joystick: One of the effects of weightlessness is reduced blood flow to the lower half of your body. The rumor in Star City is that many have tried in vain to get it up out there. “There vas top-secret program of this,” Driga says. “But the man could not perform. Viagra vill not help.”

For some reason I feel a little more complete as a human now that I’m armed with this knowledge.

The Editor notes: Just like John West is best because of what it rejects, GrodsCorp is lowest in brow because of what other blogs reject. Welcome to Bruce for this special guest post.
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Owing to the fact that I don’t want to denigrate either my own blog nor the discussion list from whence this material came, I’m handing this one off to Grods and I won’t cite those responsible for its inception.

If you want to impute me personally, go ahead; smear me with guilt through association with this Grods lot, just don’t smear me with feces.

Apparently the UK’s Department of Government Commerce (a branch of the UK Treasury) was considering a particular revamp of their logo. Unfortunately, they’ve had to change their plans due to what I think is a disclosure of sorts. A bit like a Freudian slip.

I’ve said for a long time now that accountants use their personalities as a contraceptive and we all know that “Merchant Banker” is only one letter from “Merchant Wanker”. They are a pervy but lonesome lot.

Now we have the proof…

Exhibit A – The logo in question

Exhibit B – Rotate the logo 90 degrees

Exhibit C – Wait a sec for the happy ending

I’m guessing the Fleshlight edition wasn’t kinky enough for them.

#2 Guys who undo their belts and drop their pants to piss at the urinal

You know the type. They’re usually wearing pink Industrie polos with the collar up. Guys who are so insecure about their manhood that they undo their belt and drop their pants to the base of their hips to piss at the urinal in order to give the impression of a package of above-average size. I’ve got a penis of average proportions (the Cosmo sealed section says so) and it fits comfortably through my jeans fly with room to spare; so why do these other idiots need to undo their belt and drop their strides?

It’s because they want to give the impression that they have “schlongs” as opposed to “dicks”. Men who don’t care about the size of their penis have dicks, men who base their entire self-image on the size of their penis have schlongs. Schlongs are no larger than dicks, but schlong owners try desperately to make other people believe that this is the case.

The only difference between schlongs and dicks is that schlongs are used more frequently in the act of masturbation.