This ran in the Crikey email last Thursday.

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It must be pretty humbling to feel your power slipping away. And not just slipping away to an equally powerful competitor, but slipping away to — gasp! — ordinary people.

Let’s just say you’re the Australian head of a massive, global media company and that you’re accustomed to people doing what you say. You grew up in a social and business environment where money meant power, where media barons were the only people who could afford to communicate directly with large numbers of people; it has been this way for as long as you can remember, and as long as your father’s generation can remember for that matter. But one day along comes this thing called The Internet, promising to democratise the flow of information, and something terrible begins to happen: the plebs grow bold and start to rise up, empowered by having their voice heard, unworried about profit or business models. If you were that media baron what would you do? Would you adapt or would you atrophy?

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A GrodsReader took this photo of a truck outside the Sydney offices of News Limited yesterday, noting that it had been shredding documents for over an hour.

Then again, maybe it was just taking care of Piers Akerman’s expense account receipts from 2007/08.

Perfect headline, isn’t it? Politics, shit and sweets, all rolled up in one irresistible package, promising a tale that couldn’t possibly disappoint.

And it doesn’t.

The short version of the story, just in case any Andrew Bolt readers have stumbled by (we all know you imbeciles don’t bother reading links), is that a woman kicked up a fuss over seating at a pub function and was allegedly given a free bowl of poo-smeared ice cream as a “placatory gesture”.

I worked in the hospitality industry for many years and saw some horrendous things (and heard of worse) … but this despicable act would take the chocolates, so to speak.

Anyway, here’s the bit that really impressed me:

Ms Whyte said she realised something was amiss when she brought a spoonful to her lips and “the stench went through my nostrils”.

“I retched and spat it out into the napkin,” she told News Ltd.

Notice the missing sentence between those two? I imagine it went something like this:

“SO I TOOK A BITE ANYWAY…”

Fair. Fucking. Dinkum. What would have to have been on this woman’s ice cream to dissuade her from putting a spoonful into her gob?

“Ordinary Australians are taking a hard look at how what they do in their daily lives affects the environment.

We’ve begun to change our ways.

From reducing the carbon footprint of our homes to making the switch to public transport, we’re showing enormous responsibility and leadership. The NEWS.com.au Green Awards recognise and celebrate our determination to tackle the environmental challenges ahead.

The awards recognise innovations from individuals and organisations and – importantly – the solutions to help take us forward. The major award is our Green Hero.

They could be a scientist doing world-class research in an environmental field. Or someone in your local area making a real difference.

There’s also a Junior Hero for the under 18s. In all the categories what we’re looking for is the drive and creativity Australians have shown in rising to the global challenge. We encourage you to nominate who you think’s made the greatest positive impact on the environment. Help us find and reward the best that Australians are doing in tackling the biggest challenge of our generation.”

Go on, nominate Andrew Bolt. I have.

Imagine Bolt’s outrage and indignation if Fairfax held these dubious awards? Yet News.com.au hold them and there is scant mention on his site.

Inflation has hit a 17-year high in Australia, as reported by NEWS.com.au. And just in case you had any doubt as to who NewsLtd was hoping you’d blame for it, this helpful composite image appears at the top of the story:

Memory lane … Various images from 1991, the last time inflation breached 4 per cent.

Subtle, huh? But did readers take the bait?

And how. Third comment into the thread reads:

This is what you get with Labour (sic).

Posted by: YoungLib 12:12pm today

And, of course, it’s mostly downhill from there. Thank you, NewsLtd.

I’ve been sitting on a GrodsExclusive for a while now, which I’ve been reluctant to post for reasons that will soon become apparent. However, a recent comment here by Dave From Albury convinced me to break my silence:

[...]
Do you understand how debasing it must be to put your name to the kind of shit that Andrew Bolt has published? The man deserves the Grand High Medal of Rupert for his efforts.

The fact is that Andrew Bolt has been rewarded for his efforts over the past few years, as have several of his News Ltd stable-mates — not by Rupert Murdoch, but by the man who holds the biggest place in his (and their) heart(s): John Winston Howard.

A News Ltd insider emailed me a few weeks ago and revealed, under the condition of anonymity, that shortly after Howard’s ignominious defeat in the 2007 federal election, the former prime minister personally sent a special gift to each of his most sycophantic lickspittles strident supporters in the press; a touching memento of their faithful service over the course of his time in office.

Say what you will about John Howard, but there’s no denying he knows how to look after the people who so vigorously looked after him.

Yesterday News Limited’s The Australian won an award in a competition between News Limited newspapers. Today Andrew Bolt is declaring John Howard the unanimous winner of the election based on — wait for it — editorials in News Limited newspapers.

John Howard wins – the endorsement of most newspaper editorials today, that is:

Adelaide’s Sunday Mail:

Change for change’s sake is not a good enough reason to vote out a Government… The Sunday Mail believes the Coalition is best placed to govern Australia for the next three years.

Perth’s Sunday Times:

The Sunday Times believes change for change sake is simply not an adequate trigger to throw out a Coalition Government which, while far from perfect, has overseen record prosperity in WA and the nation.

Sydney’s Sunday Telegraph:

The Sunday Telegraph accepts readers believe it is finally time to give Labor a go. But Mr Rudd … must stare down a Labor cabinet inhabited by many with union and factional allegiances… The Sunday Telegraph advocates a vote for Labor, provided Mr Rudd give these assurances.

Melbourne’s Sunday Herald:

But why take the chance? Why change horses when Australia galloping strongly ahead with the lowest unemployment in a generation? … Australians should stick with Mr Howard.

Melbourne’s Sunday Age:

On the contenders’ “exposed form”,The Sunday Age does not see enough differences between the Coalition and Labor to urge readers to vote for one over the other.

(Those missing are ones I can’t yet find.)

This verdict is interesting because, among other things, it isn’t commone (sic) for newspapers to advocate a vote for the underdog. We like to back winners. Another reason this is interesting is the Rudd hasn’t even been able to get the support of the Sunday Age.

Surprise, surprise. Every single one of Rupert Murdoch’s flying monkey newspaper editors has endorsed John Howard. Total coincidence, I’m sure. And let’s just have a look at that “endorsement” from the Fairfaix Sunday Age again

On the contenders’ “exposed form”,The Sunday Age does not see enough differences between the Coalition and Labor to urge readers to vote for one over the other.

Read it in full here if you want to check for yourself. That’s not an endorsement of either leader; Andrew Bolt is mad.