The Editor, John Surname, Ant Rogenous, Jeremy Sear, Wah and Craig discuss the following:

* Blogging
* Kevin Rudd’s first 100 days
* The Liberal Party
* Brendan Nelson
* Interest rates
* Cricket
* The Herald Sun
* David Hicks
* Dick Smith
* Osama Bin Laden
* Prince Harry
* Connex
* Lynne Kosky
* Public transport
* Victorian Labor Party
* Fleshlight
* What is the plural of “penis”?
* Liberal leadership future

** I don’t know why but that bloody “Play now” link is still serving up episode four. I have no solution yet. Something to do with the intertubes broken or something. Just to be safe, use the “Play in popup” link or the “Download” link. **

 

 GrodsThink 6 (4/3/08) [31:13m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

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#2 Guys who undo their belts and drop their pants to piss at the urinal

You know the type. They’re usually wearing pink Industrie polos with the collar up. Guys who are so insecure about their manhood that they undo their belt and drop their pants to the base of their hips to piss at the urinal in order to give the impression of a package of above-average size. I’ve got a penis of average proportions (the Cosmo sealed section says so) and it fits comfortably through my jeans fly with room to spare; so why do these other idiots need to undo their belt and drop their strides?

It’s because they want to give the impression that they have “schlongs” as opposed to “dicks”. Men who don’t care about the size of their penis have dicks, men who base their entire self-image on the size of their penis have schlongs. Schlongs are no larger than dicks, but schlong owners try desperately to make other people believe that this is the case.

The only difference between schlongs and dicks is that schlongs are used more frequently in the act of masturbation.

Last Friday I was feeling a bit run down and in need of a recharge given that it was six days since returning from overseas holiday. So after work McBec, Goobermetrics, TAC and I jumped in a hire car and headed for a rental unit near the wineries of the Mornington Peninsula for two days of drinking and, well, drinking.

On Saturday evening we arrived home a little tipsy and with an offensive amount of booze and cheese in the boot. Goober and I had planned to find a pub to watch Australia vs. Japan but just couldn’t face the long walk (cos drinking and driving is bad, m’kay?) so we all went through the four DVDs in the TV cabinet and came across this one.

Needless to say we simply had to chuck Mrs Henderson Presents on the 6 inch 4:3 aspect ratio television to find out exactly how bad a movie has to be to attract Alan Jones’ recommendation.

After 25 minutes TAC went to bed.

After 70 minutes I went to bed.

After 85 minutes McBec and Goober gave up and went to bed.

The only insight we gained was that Jones probably endorsed the film because there was a shot of Bob Hoskins’ penis in it. This is what the DVD player thought of Mrs Henderson Presents.

Root(ed)

A few weeks ago my speech therapist sister-in-law had an amusing encounter at work and was kind enough to send it through the electronic mail. Over to her:

I have had a good day - except of course for the penis incident! Bogans x 2 enter the therapy room - a Dad (with son in tow) and his mother - and I politely offer them a seat however dad (I think in effort to show me how in touch he was with the kids these days) elected to sit on a spare kids size chair. So I sit on my kiddie chair, as does the kid. So dad, in his ruggers has hitched his pants up in effort to get comfortable on the kiddie chair, so much so that his penis flops out one side of his shorts!! Dad unfortunately doesn’t realise this and continues to talk at length about his son while I sit there in direct line of sight to the penis! I fluctuate between feeling totally traumatised by this and wanting to burst out laughing. I had to excuse myself after a few minutes!

So we sat there for the next 40 minutes or so with dad and penis staring at me while I assessed his son.