Oh, Steve. We know that you’re a joke, but not that old chestnut again.

Yesterday Mr Swan said the pension rate was totally inadequate but he ruled out increasing the payment until a Treasury review reports back by February next year.

Senator Fielding says it is not good enough and the pension should immediately be boosted by $70 a week.

“We’ve had pensioners ringing our office and tell us that they’re living on dog food,” he said.

The most economically-priced dog food at Coles is Coles Smart Buy Dog Food Meat 1.2kg at $1.41 per can. This would provide about three disgusting, repetitive and nutrition-and-vegetable-free meals for an aged person on the pension. At 47 cents per meal (or $6.58 for a fortnight’s worth of dinners) it sure is a bargain, but the taste surely leaves a lot to be desired. Not to mention the long term health consequences.

Delicious AND nutritious (for Fido, not Granny)

Is Fielding seriously trying to suggest that there are no other non-doggy options in the supermarket for a similar price? Well I’ve had a look around.

Let’s start nice and simple. Fourteen meals of Coles Smart Buy Baked Beans in Tomato Sauce 400g, individually priced at $0.52, costs $7.28 — only 70 cents more than dog food over a fortnight. Not exactly a nutritionist’s dream but it can’t be much worse than dog food.

Moving up the gourmet scale a pensioner could combine Coles Smart Buy Pasta Sauce 700g at $2.17, plus Coles Smart Buy Pasta Spaghetti No.1 500g at $0.64, to make three dinners for the total cost of $2.81. That’s $13.16 over a fortnight which is less than double the cost of the dog food.

And at the upper end of the lower end of the food scale, a pensioner could purchase cans of ready meals — dog food for humans. Coles Smart Buy Canned Meal Beef & Vegetable 400g costs $1.89 per can, while Coles Smart Buy Canned Meal Beef & Onion 400g costs $1.94 per can. A bit pricey at around $27 for a fortnight’s worth, but reasonable if you were to only eat a can now and again as a treat.

Let’s compare two sample menus.

MENU A (The Fielding Diet)
Day 1: Dog food… $0.47
Day 2: Dog food… $0.47
Day 3: Dog food… $0.47
Day 4: Dog food… $0.47
Day 5: Dog food… $0.47
Day 6: Dog food… $0.47
Day 7: Dog food… $0.47
Day 8: Dog food… $0.47
Day 9: Dog food… $0.47
Day 10: Dog food… $0.47
Day 11: Dog food… $0.47
Day 12: Dog food… $0.47
Day 13: Dog food… $0.47
Day 14: Dog food… $0.47
TOTAL: $6.58

MENU B (The GrodsCorp Diet)
Day 1: Baked beans… $0.52
Day 2: Spaghetti and sauce… $0.64
Day 3: Baked beans… $0.52
Day 4: Spaghetti and sauce… $0.64
Day 5: Baked beans… $0.52
Day 6: Spaghetti and sauce… $0.64
Day 7: Canned meal, beef and vegetable… $1.89
Day 8: Baked beans… $0.52
Day 9: Spaghetti and sauce… $0.64
Day 10: Baked beans… $0.52
Day 11: Spaghetti and sauce… $0.64
Day 12: Baked beans… $0.52
Day 13: Spaghetti and sauce… $0.64
Day 14: Canned meal, beef and onion… $1.94
TOTAL: $10.79

So for $4.21 extra a fortnight an Australian pensioner can eat food designed for humans and enjoy a little bit of variety. It’s still not exactly haute cuisine, and it would still give a nutritionist conniptions, but it’s a shitload better than dog food. $4.21 — that’s only five pulls on a poker machine.

Shut up, Steve Fielding. Perhaps when you fail to get re-elected in a couple of years you could work for Today Tonight.

Dr Brendan Nelson has unveiled his latest catchphrase.

The most important thing is that we must be focused and disciplined as far as the government’s budget is concerned – it has pulled the plug on pensioners…

[...]

Malcolm will be at the press club tomorrow in Canberra. He’ll be setting out a very strong case as to why the budget of the Rudd government has failed Australians, pulled the plug on pensioners…

That’s some pretty strong mental imagery there, Bren-doc. Are you sure you’d like to subconsciously suggest that Labor is forcibly euthanising the elderly? Than again, you are a doctor so I’m sure you know what you’re doing.

Just when you thought Steve Fielding’s bong stunt was as low as this muppet could go in trying to attract attention to himself, he goes and does something like this.

Angry pensioners and a Family First senator have stripped off and stopped traffic on one of Melbourne’s busiest intersections in a protest against a lack of support for seniors in this week’s Federal Budget.

[...]

Mr Fielding stripped off his shirt in support of the protest, while two elderly women wore only their bras.

Several men also stripped to the waist after the protesters walked from the steps of Flinders Street Station into the intersection with Swanston Street.

Aargh! My retinas!

Fielding flagged this hideous act in one of his notorious home videos last week, but I honestly couldn’t see him going through with it. And the irony of it all is that Fielding baring his chest to a handful of bemused pedestrians in Melbourne’s city centre won’t help one bit in getting him re-elected. Face it, Steve: you and your Pentecostal mates are headed for the political dustbin of history and no stunt on Earth is going to save you.