Prediction confirmed! What do you reckon John Howard’s reaction was to reading that news over his Wheaties?

Yahoo! is asking Should Peter Costello make a run for the Liberal Party leadership?

Vote yes.

Again and again.

And again.

And then again.

And again and again and again.

Oh, Andrew Bolt, you kidder you.

Stephen Mayne has been onto this story for a while, and for once he’s close to the truth. Given that I’m told he’s planning to write about this again, probably as soon as this morning, I want to say something here first before he does.

This is it for the blog, at least for now. I can’t pre-empt the announcement that my local member and friend, Peter Costello, is about to make, but it would clearly be a conflict of interest for me to continue to write about politics here if I’ve privately agreed to become a player.

That’s the lamest April Fool’s joke since another joke of a blogger pulled his lame April Fool’s joke last year. I’m onto you. Jeremy is onto you.

Giveaways:

1) The post was published at 12:03am.
2) As if you’d not “pre-empt the announcement that my local member and friend, Peter Costello, is about to make” by doing just that.
3) As if you’d get preselection over Michael Kroger, Julian Sheezal and Prodos.

Nice try, fool.

Just like the chick in that famous Britney YouTube video there is at least one punter who thinks that everyone should just leave Mark Vaile alone.

Bob Barnes, 61, didn’t care if Mr Vaile was still getting his parliamentary wage or not.

“He’s been working hard for years, he’s the best elected member anyone could (wish for).

“Give him a little break — leave poor old Mark alone.”

And I reckon that Bob’s right. Vaile, Downer, Costello et. al. have every moral right to spend their days working to secure post-politics employment as consultants with six or seven figure salaries while simultaneously drawing their Parliamentary salary and benefits for work they’re not doing and have no intention of ever doing again. I mean, just look at poor old Mark who’s taken a $100,000 hit to his pay after being demoted from deputy PM to opposition backbencher. I’m sure he’s hurting just as much as Alexander and Peter who also have mouths to feed and share portfolios to build. Their need to secure future employment far outweighs any obligation they have to serve the people who voted them into Parliament to represent them. Not the mention the bruises to their egos suffered after those nasty voters gave them and their kind the arse.

I mean, it’s not like the three of them could retire tomorrow and instantly access offensively large lifetime superannuation payouts to tide them over the few months it would take to land another job.

Danny Nalliah, proud recipient of the highly sought “Annual International Capitalism Award for Melbourne”, has exposed God as a big, fat liar.

Well, I believe with all my heart believe… that the Prime Minister [John Howard] will be re-elected to government. And also that the Federal Treasurer [Peter Costello] would be handed over the leadership.

[…]

Now this was something I knew because God spoke to me and told me very clearly a few days prior to the meeting with John Howard and Peter Costello — as to what was going to be the future of this country in the next election.

Don’t shoot the messenger.

Although I loathe Today Tonight, I was magically attracted by last night’s side-by-side interview with Howard and Costello. It showed three clear things:

1. Howard’s feeble attempt to convey an image of mateship and unity between him and Costello, by constantly looking at him for affirmation, calling him a “mate” and claiming that he would make “an excellent prime minister”. It was effusive, gushing and downright nauseating.
2. Costello’s barely-hidden contempt for Howard. In contrast to the Dessicated Coconut’s admiring gazes in his own direction, Costello barely looked at his offsider throughout the interview, and seemed to grate his teeth at a couple of Howard’s remarks. He praised the PM’s “work ethic” but didn’t take the mutual back-slapping contest much further than that.
3. Anna Coren’s vapid interviewing. No difficult questions (”Has the PM stayed on too long?” “Why won’t you invite Mr Costello to dinner?” etc.) and too many free hits that allowed party-political speeches. And the odd idiotic statement, like “Alan Greenspan, who ran the world economy…”. Norman Gunston could have conducted a more probing and revealing interview.

They’re replaying edited highlights (or lowlights, as the case may be) of the Liberal campaign launch on ABC. Here are my thoughts…

* JHo: “My fellow Australians.” Spew.
* JHo: “This election is about the future… despite how great the past is.” It always comes back to the past doesn’t it, John?
* Costello: “Economic storm clouds on the horizon that will increase inflation, interest rates and unemployment. But we will decrease inflation, interest rates and unemployment.”
* JHo: “Family is the cornerstone of society.” And that’s why you’re force-feeding middle class welfare pork down families’ throats, despite Australia “no longer being a welfare state.”
* Vaile: Sorry, missed that. Went to sleep.
* Abbot: Is doing his interview in the rain holding an umbrella that has stars and moons all over it. Bwah hah hah!
* JHo: “We will give you nine billion bucks to bribe you to vote for us. Um, actually, what I mean is education, child care, Great Australian Dream and other stuff like that. Family, family, family.”
* Howard, never one to attract the term “charismatic”, is actually looking (if it’s possible) less charismatic than normal. He looks about as inspiring as the flotation ball inside my toilet cistern.
* JHo: “New homeowners shouldn’t pay for infrastructure that benefits them and the wider community.” So you’ll make those homeowners pay through their tax payments instead, John? This is appalling policy.
* Julie Bishop is on the telly telling me that parents have the right to choose the quality of their kids’ schools. And what sort of choice do parents have when state schools are desperately underfunded, Julie?
* JHo to the rescue — he’s going to make independent school fees tax deductible. Problem fixed then.
* JHo: “Fees and levies that have crept into the public school system.” Why do you think public schools have to charge those fees and levies, you great, fucking cockhead of a man?
* JHo: “Indigenous intervention has brought to an end 20-30 years of problems.” I think it’s been going on longer than that, John. Also, you had ten-and-a-half years to fix it before that — why didn’t you?
* JHo: “To continue to decide who comes to this nation.” Anyone but those dirty, fightin’ Sudanese if Kevin Andrews has anything to do with
* Downer: “If the terrorists win there will terrible consequences.” Dickhead.
* JHo: “Tough on drugs.” Ruddock just appeared on screen to back up Howard’s words. He looks as ghoulish as ever.
* Kevin Andrews: “We must protect our way of life.” Your way of life is nothing like mine, Kev, so stop trying to impose yours upon me via Parliament. Get your rosaries off my ov… um, testicolies.
* JHo: “UNIONS! UNIONS! UNIONS! COAST-TO-COAST LABOR! BOO!”
* The closing music sounds like the elevator muzak you hear over the top of 1980s telemovies on Channel Seven at midday.

Watching that made me feel genuinely sick. The sun will shine on Australia if the coalition is no longer in charge on 25 November.

John Howard just now on Radio National’s Breakfast with Fran Kelly. There was a weird sound in the background the whole interview that sounded like a grave being dug. The audio will be up on the Breakfast website soon and you simply must listen to it. My favourite quotes were these (and I paraphrase as best I can from memory):

“I’m upfront; not like Bob Carr, Peter Beattie, Steve Bracks and people like that. I don’t go around saying one thing knowing that I’ll do another.”

Fran Kelly: What about the handover to Peter Costello?

JHo: Well, there may be a personnel transition but there will be policy continuity.

Fran Kelly: What about Peter Costello’s view on the republic?

JHo: Well, um, Fran, um, you’re the first person to raise that issue with me in four-and-a-half weeks. I just don’t think that’s an issue that is on people’s minds out there.

UPDATE: The interview audio is now available.

The government has spent all of today prosecuting the implausible argument that high interest rates are a sign of good economic management. Of course, it’s all the more audacious given the government’s pledge in 2004 to keep interest rates at “record lows.”

In fact, they promised the following:

And here is treasurer Peter Costello today:

Mr Costello says [the interest rates rise] is proof of good economic management, which voters should ensure continues.

“When you have low unemployment there will always be more pressure on inflation,” he said.

“You would always expect interest rates to be higher during a period of low unemployment than a recession.

So why did the government promise to increase employment, keep inflation under control and interest rates at record lows, when they now reckon that more jobs causes higher inflation which, in turn, causes higher interest rates?

They’re just making this up as they go along, aren’t they?

Just now on ABC’s Insiders, Treasurer Peter Costello claimed that being a union member is equivalent to being a union official. Pressed by host Barrie Cassidy to explain how Shadow Treasurer Wayne Swan was a union official as claimed by Liberal Party advertising, the best Costello could do was point towards his AWU membership.

In the interest of full disclosure I must declare that I am a union official due to my membership of the AEU. The Liberal Party says that 70% of the Labor front bench are union officials, so lets try and work out what percentage of GrodsReaders are union officials. Drop a quick ‘yes’ or ‘no’ in comments to indicate your union membership status.

UPDATE: Screw the comments thing; let’s GrodsPoll it.

Thanks also to those who entered the Costello and Finger GrodsCaptionComp. Some great laughs here at GrodsHQ.

In third place, jLo: “Check out my fresh new policy approach!”

In second place, Bridgit Gread: “This is for the photographer who took that stupid Howard-fellates-Costello pic…”

And the winner is gandhi with this simple, yet effective, number:

The Treasurer signals his support for the PM

How brilliant was Peter Costello’s non-answer when asked by Kerry O’Brien on last night’s 7.30 Report if he could honestly laud John Howard at this year’s election campaign launch? Costello beautifully managed to laud Howard by lauding himself:

KERRY O’BRIEN: Mr Costello. Two or three months from now or so, you’re going to be standing up at the Liberal Party campaign launch as you usually do, you’re going to introduce your leader, campaign launch, tight election and you’re going to stand up there and you’re going to laud him. You’re going to find all kinds of complimentary things about him. People who’ve read this book or who have read the excerpts of the book or have read the reporting and the analysis of your comments in the book, how do you think they’re going to be looking at you and working out: does the guy mean what he is saying? Is he sincere, is he for real or is he being a hypocrite?

PETER COSTELLO: Well, you don’t need to wait for the campaign launch for me to laud him because I’ve been lauding him for weeks and months, Kerry. And this is what I say about John Howard. John Howard has led the best government since the war with the possible exception of Menzies. He has done that with an exceptionally strong team, of which I’ve been part, and I invite you to compare its record on employment, inflation, interest rate, Budget balances, debt and Future Fund with any other government and come to a different conclusion.

John Howard is an awesome leader because his team, of which I’m the most important member, has made him an awesome leader.

Good laud!

No, don’t get out the champagne just yet. They only dropped the name WorkChoices. The laws remain.

You see, according to the Liberals, the Australian public aren’t smart enough to see through this kind of measure. This follows up John Howard’s assertion that he hopes the Australian people are playing a joke on him by still choosing Rudd in the polls. Again, he seems to think that the Australian public aren’t smart enough to see through Peter Costello’s smirking vote-buying, election year budget.

No, Mr. Howard, I assure you that the Australian people are not playing a joke. We fully intend to remove you in November.

Which brings me to this point: Is anyone else offended that John Howard thinks so little of the intelligence of the Australian public? Was he really that confident that we would favour him after the budget? Does he really think that by changing the name of terrible laws, they will suddnely be accepted by us with open arms?

PS. I found it funny that Joe Hockey admonished the Labor Party and the ACTU for running scares campaigns about WorkChoices. The Liberals would know all about scare campaigns now, wouldn’t they? I expect them to start in late September and peak right around early November.

Now that I’ve done got me a MacBook and a wireless router I can access the intertubes from the comfort of the beanbag in my loungeroom. So here comes GrodsCorp’s minute-by-minute analysis of Peter Costello’s budget speech.

7:28pm – Story on ABC News about rhinos that won’t root at Werribee Open Range Zoo.

7:30pm – Bloody hideous opening graphics on ABC. Obviously produced with my eight cents for today but nobody else’s.

7:31pm – Pete forgot to get his assistant to check his tie.

7:32pm – Basically, before 1996 the economy was shit. but overnight (coincidentally the night Howard was elected) the economy got amazing.

7:33pm – Apparently we’ve got to look to the past to look to the future. Nice song lyric, but…

7:35pm – Kevin Rudd is a THIEF! Kevin Rudd STEALS MONEY FROM THE YOUNG PEOPLE OF AUSTRALIA!

7:36pm – Shot of Julie Bishop in safety orange dress. Television explodes.

7:38pm – Performance pay for schools and $5000 bribe for teachers to take PD in Howard’s version of Australian history. 120 days of prac for trainee teachers — can’t wait to hear what schools and unions have to say about that.

7:41pm – Pete looks tired. Needs a Berocca and exposure to sunlight.

7:43pm – Tax cuts. “I pay my taxes!”

7:46pm – Profile of Pete reveals hunch in back. Needs to drink milk.

7:48pm – Roads, roads, roads. Howard has a little chuckle to himself after a particularly gentlemanly “hear, hear.” Teeth nearly slip out side of mouth.

7:50pm – Howard reading over Mark Vaile’s shoulder like a dude on the train reading somebody else’s MX.

7:52pm – 16 extra dentists in regional areas! We’re saved!

7:53pm – Pete starts talking about climate change; Howard starts looking shifty. Shot of Malcolm Turnbull reveals he is sitting as far away from Joe Hockey as possible. Must be a sweaty day in Parliament.

7:55pm – Government working hard to tackle climate change overseas because that doesn’t cost a single mining or forestry job over here.

7:58pm – Drought: cue sombre voice.

7:59pm – Army: continue sombre voice. Shot of Brendan Nelson — forehead appears to have grown larger. Obviously some kind of elephantitis.

8:00pm – Purchase of new Super Hornets to “ensure air superiority in the region Australia.”

8:01pm – Credit to small business and employers. Because employees have nothing to do with the success of business.

8:02pm – Weak round of applause from House. Weak cough from Pete. Cue grade seven digital literacy project ABC opening graphics and cue Tony Jones’ hideous tie.

8:05pm – Metallica documentary on ABC2.

Since Peter Costello is so keen to tell Muslims what governmental model they should aspire to, perhaps he should urge Australian government to follow that same advice. And since Pete thinks that Turkey is the perfect example of Islamic government, with its complete separation of church and State, I look forward to Mr Costello lobbying for the abolition of daily Christian prayers in parliament and the end of government ministers continually pandering to the Christian lobby.

I know Costello’s trying desperately to broaden his policy scope beyond his portfolio but all he’s managing to do is broaden the view that he’s a bumbling, ignorant and divisive fool.