You know what gives me the screaming shits? The so-called “Urban Dictionary” website, and it twice cancelling without warning my entirely reasonable definition of Nelson’s Law, as prompted by Mr Rogenous at the last GrodsThink podcast.

Fortunately, urbandictionary.com doesn’t have a monopoly on the coining of new phrases. GrodsCorp is just as influential (check the visitor numbers, it’s true!), and I therefore submit the following for your future referencing pleasure:

NELSON’S LAW

Named in honour of Australian conservative politician, Brendan Nelson -

“As a debate about the economy continues, the probability of the increasing price of petrol at the bowser being mentioned by a non-government politician approaches one.”

It is considered a disingenuous debating technique, analogous to Godwin’s Law, unless the person raising the price of petrol is actually proposing a genuine alternative.

COROLLARY: Athanasi’s Observation - the gap between a political discussion commencing and Nelson’s Law being demonstrated decreases over time.

EXAMPLE: Ending every media release with a disingenuous reference to the cost of “getting petrol into the car” is an example of Nelson’s Law.

I’m working on a definition of urbandictionary.com too, but am yet to come up with one that’s safe for a family website such as this.

I said it the other day and I’ll say it again now: it’s extremely disappointing that the dominant political debate in this country at present (and for the foreseeable future) is about slashing a teensy four or five cents from the skyrocketing price of petrol by fiddling with taxes. This issue should’ve been addressed ten years ago because now there’s nothing we can do in the short-to-medium term about our dependence on oil or its underlying price.

But both major parties have placed themselves on this ridiculous battlefield, both are looking like dickheads, and both are proposing bad policies. Brendan Nelson and the opposition have gone into middle Australia worship and battler empathy overdrive, demonstrated excruciatingly by the good doctor in Parliament the other day. And Labor, desperate to look like they’re doing something when there’s basically nothing that can be done, has released their kneejerk FuelWatch policy.

I can’t believe I’m going to say this but FuelWatch stops the market from delivering the cheapest prices by restricting the function of competition. Putting aside collusion (which has rarely been proven and is monitored like a hawk by the ACCC) petrol retailers at present monitor their prices throughout the day and react to other outlets’ prices as necessary. FuelWatch prevents service stations from lowering (or raising, to be fair) their price after their initial price point is set the night before, therefore preventing them from reacting to a lower price on offer down the road.

I feel dirty.

Besides, the majority of analysis seems to indicate that FuelWatch, at best, delivers very little in terms of cheaper petrol and, at worst, raises prices marginally. Bad policy no matter which way you look at it.

Labor got itself into this mess by campaigning on cost of living issues and their subsequent need to “do something” once they took office. It’s a shame that the first major blow struck against Labor this term was mostly their own fault.

The Editor, John Surname, Ant Rogenous, Jeremy Sear, Keri and Craig discuss:

* Petrol, petrol, petrol
* Cult of entitlement: Alexander Downer and Mal Brough
* GrodsCorp’s anti-anti-abortion rally
* Bill Henson: art or pr0n?
* John Laws vs. Carson Kressley in the GrodsThink naked cagefight to the death

** Because Jeremy Sear and Chuck A. Spear are using all of Australia’s bandwidth to play Call Of Duty 4, use only the “Play in popup” link or the “Download” link. **

 

 GrodsThink 18 (27 May 08) [33:25m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

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The leader of political party X releases a cost-of-petrol policy. A leak to the media reveals that a senior minister in that party thinks policy is bad.

The leader of political party Y releases a cost-of-petrol policy. A leak to the media reveals that a senior minister in that party thinks the policy is bad.

Two almost identical events interpreted in two very different ways by the media and assorted commentators. The coverage of party X’s leak is almost entirely in the context of leadership while coverage of party Y’s leak is about the policy itself and the control that the party seems to have over internal dissent.

Interesting, is all I’m saying.

In GrodsThink 10 we took a look at day one of Brendan Nelson’s Magical Listening Tour diary. Go have a listen, ya bastards. Day two of the diary is now online and just like day one it’s a bloody corker.

2 April 2008

Diary from the road:

The people at the pointy end of the economic debate in Australia talk about the Westpac-Melbourne Institute Survey of Consumer Sentiment being the lowest in 15 years or the Sensis survey having the largest fall on record for the March quarter, but you’ve just got to spend a bit of time at the Lowood service station to see Australians coming in with their cars – 10, 12, 15 years old – putting $5, $7 or $30 worth of petrol in the tank.

10 year olds putting petrol in their cars? But seriously, is Brendan seriously suggesting that since November 24 last year Australians have suddenly acquired decades-old cars and suddenly started putting small amounts of petrol in their tanks that align with the disposable cash they have access to? Out of touch, man.

And one lady I gave a hand to get some petrol into her car…

I bet she rooly, trooly appreciated being assaulted by a slimy politician at a servo in search of a photo opportunity.

…who put $30 in, was saying “gee, I really hope petrol comes down soon. I’ve got to buy groceries; we’ve got other commitments with the house and interest rates and so on”.

Don’t hold your breath, ma’am. Petrol’s not ever going in the down direction again.

But then going to the Woolies in Nundah, just going through talking to the shoppers and helping to bag the groceries…

Checkout operators in supermarkets generally have no trouble bagging groceries for themselves; and they do it without having to continually smile for a battalion of cameras.

I’m Brendan Nelson and I’m here to help

…you see a string of people, from sole parents with two or three kids, elderly people on fixed incomes, retirees, mothers that have got three kids to feed and a husband at work, and they’re really battling with their grocery prices.

Hasn’t Nelson just spent a couple of months bagging Rudd for talking about grocery prices? And anyway, like petrol it’s just an expense you’ve gotta deal with. Is this seriously the biggest policy challenge for our national government?

And, by the way, they’re not too happy about the idea of some sort of tax on plastic bags. Mr Garrett needs to go back and have a look at that one. Big time.

Whoa, Garrett — you’ve been pwned big time by Dr Nelson. Gauntlet thrown.

The other thing that’s really emerging as a big issue is the funding of aged care. I’ve had a number of people, not only in aged care facilities but also the facilities themselves and the operators who are very concerned about what the Government’s going to do with aged care funding in the Budget.

And what exactly did your government do for aged care funding in eleven long years, Brendan, besides from cash bribes immediately prior to elections?

And again, like the carers and disabilities issue for which I was thanked by people who are desperately in need on that lump sum carers payment, the providers are very concerned about what the Government’s going to do in the Budget for the funding of the care of our nursing home residents.

“For which I was thanked”? You’ve saved us again, Dr Nelson.

– Brendan Nelson

Stay tuned for day three of The Secret Diary of Brendan Nelson.

So that’s what it was.

Family First leader Steve Fielding has told the party’s campaign launch in Melbourne that a vote for Family First is a vote for common sense and balance in Parliament.
(source)

I was driving down Manningham Rd in Lower Templestowe today and saw a huge group of people standing around in white Family First t-shirts with Family First balloons and a trailer decked out with Family First posters. Steve Fielding was prominent in the group. But here’s the thing — this whole thing was going on in the forecourt of an abandoned service station! What kind of point were they trying to make with that choice of location? Something about the impact of petrol cartels?

Try as I might, I can’t find any kind of God connection, although there was some guy standing up the back wearing a long flowing robes, crown of thorns, and a luxurious beard…