I was in the pub the other night (how many stories start with this line?) and I picked up a free little magazine sitting on the bar. It was called Trouble and it promised “uncensored” action. So I picked it up and had a squiz, just like all guys do when they find their high school girlfriends’ Cleo and Dolly magazines with “uncensored” sealed sections on how to give the perfect blow job.

Is that Billy Corgan?

I was flicking past some boring, wanky story about art when I came across this photo and instinct made my hand stop turning pages.

I wasn’t sure what caught my eye so I had a closer look.

Hang on… no. Can’t be.

Is it? Aargh! Oh. My. God.

Either the roo or the dude has a huge cock, and if it’s the dude’s it’s a funny shape.

(Shut up. I know it’s the kangaroo’s tail.)

An overwhelming response to our call for captions to accompany the self-published picture of blogger Dave From Albury. Very difficult to choose (honourable mentions to John Surname, Ross Sharp, Slipheed and rdb) but here are the official results.

In third place is Keri with this insightful entry.

Talking online can lead to stalking online.

Keri wins Dave’s autographed bathrobe.

In second place is Bridgit Gread with this disturbing thought.

Dave smirks, knowing that the folks at Grods have swallowed his fake pic, when he actually looks a lot different…

Bridgit wins Dave’s autographed computer chair, unwashed.

And our winner is albi with this very topical caption.

Deep in the Riverina, fingers are heard tapping - H.E.N.S.O.N P.H.O.T.O.S

Albi wins dinner with Dave at an Albury pizzeria (to the value of $20) plus a post-dinner nightcap at Dave’s house.

Well done, everyone!

Dave From Albury foolishly posts dodgy photo of self on intertubes. GrodsCorp takes advantage of moment of foolishness and launches caption competition. Entries close COB tomorrow.

Another fine effort, youse guys, and it’s been genuinely tough pickings. But here are the results.

In third place is Zombie Mao with the inevitable Fleshlight effort.

“… and you stick the glove in the folded towel like so…”

Zombie wins Brendan’s completed DIY Fleshlight, signed by the doctor himself.

In second place is Ross Sharp with this caption containing a probable element of truth.

Federal Opposition Leader Brendan Nelson appeals to his fellows for help in removing a fishbone from his throat as Deputy Opposition Leader Julie Bishop prays that he dies like a dog in a ditch.

Ross wins the successfully removed fishbone, signed by the doctor himself.

And our winner is Spudgunner with this absolutely sterling chunk of solid gold.

“OOOH, I am the very model of a modern Liberal Minister
the fact I am a doctor makes it so very much more sinister,

I know the Queen of England, and I quote the Liberal fights historical
From Melbo-ouurne to Wooloomoo, in order categorical

I’m very well acquainted, too, with matters very medical
I understand policking, both the facile and the flexible
About doctory stuff I’m teeming with a lot o’ news

With many cheerful facts about the spin put on the nightly news
With many hard spun facts about the breaking of the nightly news
With many cheerful facts regarding the damning of the nightly news
With many hand culled facts about the viewers of the nightly news…..news, NEWS!”

* Nelson then bows… *

Spudgunner wins the pair of boxers that Brendan Nelson had sticking out the top of his pants during the speech, signed by the doctor himself.

Well done, all!

You know the drill. Entries close midday Monday.

You know the drill. Best caption wins.

Another great GrodsCaptionComp with the judging tough as usual. Let’s cross straight to the podium.

In third place is Albi with a filthy-yet-funny creation.

John Howard demonstrates his previous government’s dealings with big business - “Being fucked up the arse is fine, as long as they reciprocate with the reach around”, he told the excited opposition leader.

Albi wins a Fleshlight used and autographed by John Howard.

In second place is Ross Sharp with a frighteningly accurate depiction of the end of Howard’s career.

Current opposition leader Brendan Nelson and other Liberal Party faithfuls attempt to convince former Prime Minister John Howard to relinquish his spare set of keys to Kirribilli House.

Ross wins a replica key to Kirribilli and a replica Jeanette Howard.

But in first place is Dave from Albury with this pearler.

Nelson - “That’s so funny Warwick, make the dummy say ‘Fuck’ again.”
Parer - “That’s nothing, someone get me a glass of water”

Congratulations, Dave! You win the corpse of John Howard with which you can perfect your own ventriloquism skillz.

John Howard last night spoke to a gathering of Liberals in Brisbane, providing this awesome opportunity for a caption competition. Entries in comments; competition closes COB Wednesday.