Has anybody else noticed that John Surname (Surnaam, Tsunami etc.) has been unusually quiet over the last few weeks? I think I’ve found the explanation.

HUNDREDS of university students in Victoria have turned to prostitution to pay their way through higher education, The Sunday Age has learnt.

And why not? John’s a good lookin’ guy with a tight bod and a way with words. What better way to pay for those expensive textbooks and living expenses and have time left over for study?

When contacted for comment regarding this story John said that his employer will give a discount to anybody who mentions “GrodsCorp” when making their booking.