Why didn’t I think to invest in Hitachi trains?

From The Age:

In 2002, it decided to scrap and sell its ageing Hitachi train fleet. Mr Horne picked up half for the bargain price of $2600 per carriage. Last November he sold three carriages back to the State Government for $60,000, a profit of more than 700 per cent.

The closest I have ever come to a deal as dick-hardeningly good as that is when I traded the Split Enz single Late Last Night that I bought for $2 for an autographed CD.

Hitachi trains were first introduced in 1972, and were widely admired as they were the first train to be made entirely from stainless steel. I like to imagine that people in the 70’s used to watch the Hitachi speed past, shake their heads with a rueful chuckle, and dream of the future.

Now the Hitachi trains are, to put it lightly, total garbage. They shake, they rattle, they roll, and when some goober has opened a window you can’t hear anyone near you talk.

“WHAT?” you will shout in vain.

“I’m sleeping with your best friend!” she will cry, arms flailing.

“What?!” you scream, eyes popping from your forehead in a vain attempt to comprehend the muffled sounds eminating from her lips.

And so on.

Today, I was unfortunate enough to catch a Hitachi for the first time in ages from Camberwell. The interior of the train brought to mind a homosexual’s nightmare, as many-a gay man has woken from his slumber screaming after dreaming of fake wood panelling.

I mean, really!

Is stock from the early 70’s really what Melbourne should be using in the new millenium? For once, the blame can’t be levelled at Connex as they don’t own the trains – the government does.

Mr. Horne is really cleaning up:

That deal would be worth between $150,000 and $200,000 per train, including the $25,000 cost of trucking each carriage to Melbourne. But in another deal the Government got a bargain, securing another six-carriage set from rail enthusiast group Elecrail for $35,000.

Incidentally, I also visited the infamous Nobbies visitors centre this weekend. Two Bracks screw-ups in two days, aren’t I a lucky boy?

(Cross posted on the excellent Random Brainwave)

Lynne Kosky is coming up with all the great ideas about how to improve Melbourne’s public transport system and none of them require the government to do a thing. Last month she admonished commuters for unreasonably expecting their trains to turn up on time, and now she wants schools to stagger their start times to ease demand on the transport system during peak times:

Public Transport Minister and former education minister Lynne Kosky wants to run a pilot scheme encouraging schools to change starting times to spread the commuter peak.

“If we changed some of our schools’ starting patterns, and it probably is the ones that are located close to the city, that would provide incredible capacity on our train system,” Ms Kosky said.”

For crying out loud, why can’t the government “provide incredible capacity” on the train network by investing some bloody money? The government’s public transport strategy at the moment seems to require commuters changing their behaviour to match the crumbling and inadequate system rather than building a system that matches commuters’ needs.

The Public Transport Users Association has released a report card that grades Parties’ public transport promises ahead of Saturday’s election.

Democrats A-
Family First F
The Greens A
ALP D
Liberals C+
Nationals C
People Power C

However, if these A-E gradings are based on current Victorian school report criteria (also known as The Nelson Method) then the Libs and the Nats are doing just fine, the Dems and the Greens are ahead of the pack, and the ALP needs to try harder. There’s no ‘F’ grade possible in Victoria but joke Parties deserve joke grades.

If, as is more likely, the grades are based upon the traditional A-E system and you care about public transport then you know what to do on Saturday.