Hands up who’s ever taken the stalks off the hydroponic tomatoes so that they scan as shitty, cheaper tomatoes at the checkout?

Nobody, hey? Pack of filthy liars.

Well, this dude has moved well beyond the stalk-off scam but royally ballsed it up.

A man has faced court for allegedly tampering with a bar code to buy a $700 coffee machine for $30.

[...]

It was alleged Podolak took bar codes from cheaper items and put them over more expensive ones before going to the checkout.

What a tool. Only the dumbest checkout pleb is going to look at an expensive coffee machine, look at the cash register readout displaying $30, look back at the expensive coffee machine, and not have a flag raise in their mind. This bar code idiot obviously started out removing tomato stalks (like smoking joints) and slid down the slippery slope to brazen and ridiculous bar code swaps (like heroin).

Let that be a lesson to you, GrodsReaders: recreational scamming will always lead to the hard stuff eventually.

Very excited when I checked the letter box this afternoon and found my first ever chain letter. I thought these things were history.

Dear Friend,

As you can see, I have attached 5 cent coin (sic) to the top of this letter for three good reasons.

1. I have something very important to tell you and I needed some way to get your attention.
2. I realize your time is valuable and I believe for you to read this far is worth some financial return.
3. Since what I am writing about concerns money, I thought a little financial eye catcher was appropriate.

My name is David Rhodes and in September 1991 I lost my job. At the time I was living at the edge of my means and in debt. Consequently this started a chain reaction that ended with the repossession of my home and car. If that wasn’t enough dept (sic) collectors were constantly hounding me. As you can imagine, life was bleat (sic).

In January 1998 I received a letter telling me how to make $70,000. At the time I ignored it because of course I was sceptical. However, by March I was even further in debt. I finally realised I had nothing to lose by having a go and apart from that I couldn’t stop myself from thinking, what if it actually works.

I WAS AMAZED WHEN I SAW HOW MUCH MONEY CAME FLOODING THROUGH MY LETTER BOX I TURNED $218.00 INTO $78,180.00 WITHIN THE FIRST 60 DAYS OF OPERATING THIS BUSINESS PLAN

Please do yourself a favour and at least read the letter and think about the possibilities for a few days

In the summer of 1999 my family and I went on a cruise and bought a new Mercedes with the cash and we are currently building our $700,000.00 dream home and don’t owe a single cent.

To date I have made over $1,100,000.00. Even now as I write this letter I find it strange to come to terms with the fact that, like most people, I’ve worked hard and struggled all my life just to get by. Then something as ridiculously simple drops into my lap and turns my life around almost immediately. When I think back to all the similar things that I have thrown in the bin it made me shudder because I know just how close I came to missing out completely.

The business plan works perfectly every time. I’ve never made less than $60,000.00 after a mailing. This is a legitimate business opportunity and perfectly legal. It does not require you to sell anything; it does not require you to discuss this with your family and friends unless, of course, you want to. In fact you needn’t come into contact with any people whatsoever. If, after reading the letter, you decide to “have a go” then follow the simple step by step plan exactly as it is set out below and with 60 days your life will be transformed.

If you decide to let this opportunity pass, I would like you to know that I sincerely respect your decision and I understand that you will have your reasons. I therefore wish you the very best of luck in the future. I’m able to say this with absolute unbiased sincerity because as you will see even if you decide to work the plan I will not receive any financial gain from you. However, remember life is short, I’m very proud to say I have fulfilled my duty to my children by securing their future in a very uncertain world.

David Rhodes — PERTH

Sounds tentatively promising. But what would I need to do?

If you decide to follow these instructions EXACTLY you will receive over $700,000.00 in cash within the next 60 days.

DO NOT change any of these proven steps, not even slightly.

STEP 1 — It is an undeniable law that we must first give in order to receive. So, the first step is to IMMEDIATELY send a $10.00 note to the person listed as No. 1 on the list at the end of the 2nd page of this letter. Do this with a smile on your face because “as you sow, so shall you reap”. Wrap your $10.00 note — cash only — (NO CHEQUES) tightly inside a brief handwritten note containing your name, address, (including postcode) and write this short statement — “Please accept this $10.00 gift”. This note guarantees that you are operating within the law of Australia. After you have sent a complete stranger $10.00 in the post something very eerie happens. It gives you the indescribable, overwhelming sense of certainty, belief and conviction in the system.

STEP 2 …

(More like an indescribable, overwhelming sense of certainty, belief and conviction that you have just been duped.)

I’m still not too sure, though. Is this really worth it?

The simple ideas are the best the (sic) approximate cost to you will be:

1. $10.00 sent to the person No. 1
2. Photocopying 200 copies x 4 pages = 800 copies@10c per copy = $80.00
3. 200 DL business envelopes = $11.48
4. 200 x50c stamps = $100.00
5. 200 x 5c coins = $10.00
6. Approximately 5 hours of your time

TOTAL COST = $211.48. This is of course will come down (sic) if you have access to cheaper photocopying and envelopes.

You will receive $77,760.00 — Outgoings $211.48 — Profit = $77,548.52

= $15,509 PER HOUR OF YOUR TIME

I’m in! Email your name and address to GrodsCorp if you’d like to be one of the lucky 200 to next receive a chance to take part in this fantastic business plan.

ps/- Good old David Rhodes gets around a bit.