Lordy lord, I’ve never before laughed so hard on a Sunday morning. First Piers Akerman goes close to picking up the Insiders prop coffee plunger and chucking it at Lenore Taylor because he’s so angry about WorkChoices, Labor’s community cabinets and the “sad” Sorry business; I mean, this guy had spittle on his lips and had turned redder than a beetroot. Then a couple of minutes later he goes on to accuse Cathy Harris, the former head of Affirmative Action, of having “anger management issues” because she suggested there weren’t enough women chairing the Australia 2020 summit.

Laugh? I nearly spewed with mirth.

And that was only one of the ways that Piers made a flying cockhead of himself. He also accused Lenore of arguing that women should be selected to the Australia 2020 summit purely on the basis of gender when she had actually argued the exact opposite, and he said that almost 50% of Australians didn’t agree with the government’s apology and was slapped down by George Megalogenis quoting actual Newspoll statistics (69% really agreed). That’s just what I remember off the top of my head. Anybody else see this brilliant Sunday morning comedy routine?

Sophie Mirabella, the Liberal Party’s own jackboot jenny (pictured above at her wedding, along with the rest of the Munsters) is copping some heat from her own constituents in Indi, who aren’t happy at her boycott of Kevin Rudd’s apology to the ’stolen generations’. Today several hundred of them gathered in Wangaratta to offer their own ’sorry’, since their own local MP thinks it’s all just a bit of a big fib. The placards lampooning ‘Sieg Heil Sophe’ weren’t kind; her affection for applying lipstick with a hose seemed to attract particular attention, as did her lack of connection with her electorate (before moving to Indi, St Cath’s girl Sophie probably thought “the bush” was Studley Park or Eltham).

One geriatric supporter of Sophie rushed to her defence on Seven News:

“Did Hitler apologise? Did Germany apologise to the Jews for the Holocaust?!?”

Yes, several times actually.

GrodsCorp’s old mate, Prodos — in the proud tradition of the straight-talking, true blue, fair dinkum, right-thinking Aussie man he is — doesn’t mince his words. Lefties are “scum”, Mohammed is a pig, and now indigenous Australians are “stone age” people who are so clearly inferior to the proud and super Western culture we’ve gifted them that they deserve ridicule.

Mr Rudd explained that “The traditions and lore of Australia’s indigenous peoples belongs to what may be the oldest continuous culture on Earth” - referring, of course, to the proud Stone Age traditions to which many Australian Aborigines seek to identify with and preserve.

However, you simply must read the article at its original source to see Prodos’ really clever and funny use of pictures and captions to demonstrate how primitive them boongs are.

And to see the bizarre way that Prodos concludes the post. I’m not telling… check it out yourself.

Timmeh Blair uncovers leftist disengagement.

This article was the most-viewed by Age readers on Sorry Day.

The article in question is a hard-hitting investigative piece about a dog show.

Now I’m the first guy to criticise The Age for its lightweight bubblegum stories and over-reliance on celebrity news and lifestyle guff at the expense of proper journalism, but if Timmeh’s going to have a crack at The Age for something like this he should also take a look at the newspapers of News Ltd. — his employer.

Let’s have a look at the most read stories within the News stable yesterday.

Adelaide Advertiser and The Australian (with its three dozen readers): Tick!

Daily Telegraph (Blair’s employer): Nope. Story about shark attacks on the rise.

Perth Now (online paper): Nope. Some person named Ward is shunning limelight.

Herald Sin: Nope. Stories about people blowing themselves up are always winners.

The Courier Mail: But Australia’s hardest-hitting newspaper, The Courier Mail, takes the cake with its top story about a Harry Potter star dating a — wait for it — EX JUNKIE!!!!1!!!!111! Which one? Dunno. Didn’t read it.

It’s worth reminding ourselves of the kind of attitude that today’s apology will do nothing to change.

Since it’s “in vogue” at the moment - here it is..the APOLOGY
KRudd should be giving to the aboriginals!!

We apologise for giving you free doctors and free medical care
and medications, which allows you to survive and multiply so
that you can demand apologies.

We apologise for helping you to read and teaching you the
English language and thus we opened up to you the entire
European civilisation, thought and enterprise.

We feel that we must apologise for building hundreds of homes
for you, which you have vandalised and destroyed.

We apologise for giving you law and order which has helped
prevent you from slaughtering one another and using the
unfortunate for food purposes.

We apologise for developing large farms and properties, which
today feed you people, where before, you had the benefits of
living off the land and starving during droughts.

We apologise for providing you with warm clothing made of
fabric to replace that animal skins you used before.

We apologise for building roads and railway tracks between
cities and building cars so that you no longer have to walk
over harsh terrain.

We apologise for paying off your vehicle when you fail to pay
the installments.

We apologise for giving you free vehicles, petrol, boats,
firearms, fishing gear and other non traditional methods that
you now use to carry out your traditional ways of hunting.

We apologise for giving you free travel anywhere, whenever. We
apologise for giving each and every member of your family
$100.00 and free travel to attend an aboriginal funeral.

We apologise for not charging you rent on any lands when white
people have to pay.

We apologise for giving you interest free loans.

We apologise for developing oil wells and minerals, including
gold and diamonds which you never used and had no idea of their
value.

We apologise for developing Ayers rock and Kakadu, and then
handing them over to you so that you get all the money.

We apologise for allowing taxpayers money paid towards
daughters wedding ($8,000.00 each daughter)

We apologise for giving you $1.7 billion per year for your
people, which is $48,000.00 per aboriginal man, woman and
child.

We apologise for working hard to pay taxes that finance your
welfare, medical care, education, etc to the tune of $1.2
billion each year.

We apologise for having to approach your taxpayer funded
aboriginal affairs department to verify the above figures.

For the trouble you will have identifying the uncle toms in
your own community who are getting richer and leaving some of
you living in squalor and poverty. We do apologise. We really
do. We humbly beg your forgiveness for all the above sins.

We are only too happy to take back all the above and return you
to the paradise of the outback, whenever you are ready

It’s been a while since we announced a nomination for un-Australian of the year but there’s been no more worthy recipient than Wilson Tuckey.

Dr Nelson was… forced to defend Liberal MP Wilson Tuckey, who walked out of Parliament before today’s apology to indigenous Australians.

The West Australian MP was in the house for the opening prayer, but left the chamber when Mr Rudd rose to his feet to deliver the apology.

A number of other coalition MPs were absent from the chamber or late arriving.

Mr Tuckey had earlier suggested saying sorry would do nothing for solving indigenous problems.

On what constituents would think of Mr Tuckey’s behaviour, Dr Nelson said: “Every member of the Parliament, whatever side of the house that he or she is from, is ultimately answerable to the people of Australia.”

(source)

AWH’s resident fruit-loop KG is an expert on all things indigenous - he’s lived, worked and travelled with them (hard not to forget; he constantly tells the world) so he is a source of great wisdom and authority on the topic. Today he informs indigenous Australians that this morning’s ‘Sorry’ doesn’t mean jack … and that he and his wife have done far more to help them than any government:

You’ve shown my beloved wife your affection and boundless hospitality and generosity and in return she cared for your wounds and your sick children, at the cost of her own health and the chance to advance further in her chosen career. More than once she risked her life and considered it a small price to pay for the joy your company brought her.

How very noble: she should be knighted in the Queen’s Birthday honours. Now I can’t speak for Mrs KG, since it’s her husband doing the talking, but note the thinly-veiled barb about her health and how she sacrificed advancement in “her chosen career”. Wouldn’t a true friend of the Aboriginal people consider such service an honour, a life fulfilled, instead of carping about hardships and lost opportunities? You didn’t hear Fred Hollows whinging about living in tents and shacks in Eritrea, missing out on the squillions he could’ve made in private practice. KG’s stock on the sainthood exchange just dropped a few points.

The apology of this Gummint doesn’t speak for us, any more than it is offered sincerely to you, our friends. It’s just more Gummint Business, and we both know what that means, eh, blackfellas. Pass me a beer, Bangleesh and to hell with ‘em.

The hand of tolerance and friendship was offered to a quarter-million Australians today - tokenistic or not it was an unprecedented step - and all this bigoted gollum can do is lurk in the shadows, whispering “Psst! Don’t believe them! They liiiiiee!” I’d like to see KG stand before those women weeping on the lawns of Parliament House today and tell them it was a cynical, meaningless gesture. Let’s see how many blackfella friends he has then.

This day has taken far too long to arrive but I feel privileged to have the chance to experience it. Truly the proudest moment in our nation’s history. On this day I feel the deepest pride in being Australian. As a citizen of our united country I wholeheartedly endorse the words of Prime Minister Kevin Rudd.

Today we honour the Indigenous peoples of this land, the oldest continuing cultures in human history.

We reflect on their past mistreatment.

We reflect in particular on the mistreatment of those who were Stolen Generations – this blemished chapter in our nation’s history.

The time has now come for the nation to turn a new page in Australia’s history by righting the wrongs of the past and so moving forward with confidence to the future.

We apologise for the laws and policies of successive Parliaments and governments that have inflicted profound grief, suffering and loss on these our fellow Australians.

We apologise especially for the removal of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander children from their families, their communities and their country.

For the pain, suffering and hurt of these Stolen Generations, their descendants and for their families left behind, we say sorry.

To the mothers and fathers, the brothers and sisters, for the breaking up of families and communities, we say sorry.

And for the indignity and degradation thus inflicted on a proud people and a proud culture, we say sorry.

We the Parliament of Australia respectfully request that this apology be received in the spirit in which it is offered as part of the healing of the nation.

For the future we take heart; resolving that this new page in the history of our great continent can now be written.

We today take this first step by acknowledging the past and laying claim to a future that embraces all Australian.

A future where this Parliament resolves that the injustices of the past must never, never happen again.

A future where we harness the determination of all Australians, Indigenous and non-Indigenous, to close the gap that lies between us in life expectancy, educational achievement and economic opportunity.

A future where we embrace the possibility of new solutions to enduring problems where old approaches have changed.

A future based on mutual respect, mutual resolve and mutual responsibility.

A future where all Australians, whatever their origins, are truly equal partners, with equal opportunities and with an equal stake in shaping the next chapter in the history of this great country.

On Monday Andrew Bolt once again repeated his conspiracy theory about how right-wingers’ free speech is being curtailed. Today Bolta lists all the ways that he will be silenced on the issue of the indigenous apology.

[If] you care at all what I think, I’ll be on:

* Perth’s 6PR at 7.30am (local time)

* Channel 9’s Today show at 7.50am

* Melbourne’s 3AW at 9.45am (if I can get to a phone).

* Brisbane’s 4BC at 10.45am (local time)

* Channel 9’s Mornings with Kerri-Anne aaround 10.50am

* Channel 7’s Today Tonight at 7.30pm (unless cutting room scissors go snip)

* Fox FM - I forget

As you can see, plenty of opportunities to make a fool of myself, and few to make sure I have a good think first.

Hang on… the commie left-wing media is silencing Bolta so much that he’s too busy to think about what he’s going to say?

What a wanker.

In this episode The Editor, John Surname, Billybob, and Craig discuss the following:

* “Sorry”
* Brendan Nelson
* Warren Truss
* Andrew Bolt
* Education
* Bogans
* Ray Martin
* John Howard
* Russell Crowe
* Chris Johnston
* Scientology

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 GrodsCast 3 [33:22m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Brendan “The Forehead” Nelson on 2 December last year.

“I do not support a formal apology by our generation on behalf of what was done with the best of intentions in most but not all cases by earlier generations.”

Nelson last week.

Whatever the attitude of Australians towards this generation apologising for things done by earlier generations, you really have got to ask yourself is this the highest priority for the Australian Parliament?

Of course, those “higher priorities” are petrol prices and grocery bills. Nation-changing stuff indeed.

Oh, but here’s Nelson today.

Dr Nelson, who previously said he opposed an apology, today said the coalition believed it was “morally and practically important” it be delivered.

* Whoosh! *

Hear that? It’s the sound of Brendan Nelson’s last shred of credibility bolting out the back door. Here’s Nelson trying to convince it to stay.

But Opposition Leader Brendan Nelson… indicated the coalition reserved the right to vote against [the apology] if the precise wording proved unacceptable.

Don’t get me wrong — I love watching the Liberal Party self-destruct, but this shit is serious and the sight of The Forehead getting all Howard on the wording in order to make himself look like a “leader” makes me a bit grumpy. But just like I do whenever I feel a bit down I read something that Tony Abbott has said and laugh my troubles away.

Precisely what we are apologising for and the terms and the scope of the apology, that is still far from clear.

Wanker.

In this episode The Editor, John Surname, Prophet, Ant Rogenous and Craig discuss the following:

* “Sorry”
* Kevin Rudd
* Brendan Nelson
* Tony Abbott
* F1 Grand Prix
* Alexander Downer
* Calamari
* USA primaries
* John Roskam
* Celebrity trash
* Tim Blair
* Andrew Bolt
* Dick Smith
* David Hicks

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 GrodsCast 2 [28:33m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

John Howard yesterday said “sorry” for the tenth interest-rate rise in a row:

In a rare statement of contrition, Mr Howard said: “I would say to the borrowers of Australia who are affected by this change that I am sorry about that and I regret the additional burden that will be put upon them as a result.”

John Howard today said that being “sorry” doesn’t necessarily mean an apology:

Howard today denied apologising for the latest interest rate rise, saying that uttering the word sorry did not amount to the same thing. Mr Howard said yesterday he was sorry about the pain the rise would cause borrowers. But today he denied that amounted to an apology.

John Howard four weeks ago, on why he won’t say “sorry” to indigenous Australians for past misjustices:

“I think in the past we have become obsessed with things like apologies and there are millions of Australians who will never entertain an apology because they don’t believe that there is anything to apologise for.”

I can’t wait for Howard to start up his own blog in retirement, where he can work more on these semantic gymnastics.