I was squeezing some honey onto my toast the other morning from one of those ingenious clean-cut, non-drip bottles when I was rocked by a two-pronged epiphany:

1. There is no way this device was conceived without a sphincter in mind; and,
2. This is almost certainly the first time arsehole technology has been used to make the dispensation of a foodstuff more convenient.

While it’s fairly obvious where the inventor was sitting when he hatched this idea, other details remain shrouded in mystery. Just who was this audacious visionary? Was this his first great idea from a series of madcap schemes, or just one of many brilliant but commercially impracticable ones?

More importantly, how many times was he rejected before the good folk at Capilano recognised and backed his ingenuity? How many times was he subjected to the crushing humiliation of failed pitches like this:

Inventor: Okay, picture… an arsehole!

Nutella executive: Get out of my office.

In any case, here’s to a man who dared to dream. If the next inspiration that strikes him is for a device that will stop wine dribbling down the side of the bottle without my having to perform one of those elaborate twists of the wrist, I’ll personally underwrite the R&D.