Steve Fielding’s wife has written an article for The Punch.

In the article, Steve (via Susan) trots out all of the lines he’s being spewing into the media recently about looking at both sides of the story, the science not being settled, and pretty graphs presenting arbitrarily-selected data proving something or other (Tobias covers this in more detail over at Pure Poison.) But the most brilliant moment of deluded madness is this:

I briefly met Mr Gore at a breakfast in Melbourne attended by more than a thousand people. He was aware of the important role Family First plays in the senate and was keen to catch up.

After a series of phone calls I was met with a stonewall of resistance. I offered to meet Mr Gore at any place at any time but had no luck. Here we had the former Vice President of the United States, a self proclaimed climate change preacher running away from me over a few simple questions.

Don’t you know who I am? I am the leader of a Party of one that on the basis of 50,000 votes is holding the Upper House of Australia’s Parliament to ransom in a futile effort to get myself re-elected in 2010.

Steve’s just pissed off that he paid for dry cleaning for nothing.

Everything’s topsy-turvey.

One minute you’ve got Steve Fielding urging the prevention of divorce on the grounds that it worsens climate change …

We understand that there is a social problem (with divorce), but now we’re seeing there is also environmental impact as well on the footprint.

… but the next you’ve got Steve Fielding denying that climate change is even occurring.

And one minute you’ve got Tony Abbott flatly opposing gay marriage on the grounds that teh homos are unnatural, but the next you’ve got Tony Abbott resigning himself to gay marriage as long as traditional marriage is strengthened.

… a society that is moving towards some kind of recognition of gay unions, for instance, is surely capable of providing additional recognition to what might be thought of as traditional marriage … Even though [marriage] is probably the most important commitment that any human being can make, in fact there are many, many contracts which are harder to enter and harder to get out of than this one.

A cynic might suggest that these guys trot out any old argument they can find, regardless of whether they believe it, to force their religious beliefs onto others.

I’m happy to admit that I don’t fully understand climatic science or the technical arguments behind global warming. I’ve got a rudimentary understanding of science but I’m not qualified in such areas. I’m happy to admit that my scientific knowledge is open to scrutiny. I haven’t brainwashed myself, to the point of intellectual orgasm, that I’m some kind of home-baked expert on the topic. I freely admit that an education in the liberal arts is about as relevant to climatic science as, say, doing Year 12 in Werribee or a drama degree in Queensland.

An engineering degree might have more relevance – or at least it would if you’d actually done any engineering work since graduating in the early-80s, like our unrepresentative in the Senate, Steve Fielding. Lately Steve has risen from his near-sickbed after receiving Tamiflu for a case of almost-swine flu, to take up the cudgels of global warming scepticism. He’s probably just after a dinner date with Bolta, we’ll never know, but whatever the reason the Herald Sun is playing along. Today it bellows “This is why Al Gore’s wrong“ on Steve’s behalf and links to the pseudo-Senator’s own website. The reason? Steve has done found himself a graph – and it’s a purdy one – showing the correlation, or lack thereof, between rising CO2 levels and ’steadying’ global surface temperatures:

Ain’t that sweet? But is it true? According to the Herald Sun “the graph was used by the UN in its reports on the effects of climate change” but I had a quick search and couldn’t find it. OK, no sweat, it cites temperature data from two sources: the Hadley Centre and the University of East Anglia. Was Fielding’s graph – or at least the temperature component of it – on their websites? Nope. Hmm.

So what do these places have to say about global surface temperatures? Here is the Hadley Centre’s summation of global average, land surface and sea surface temperatures. And here is the University of East Anglia’s. Each spans a longer timeframe than Steve’s 15-year snapshot, but nevertheless looks different to his Al-you’re-wrong graph.

In any event, doesn’t “air temperature anomaly” describe variations from the norm? All of the anomalies on Fielding’s graph are in the positive range, so if we accept this data as valid then all Steve has ‘proven’ is that global temperatures have risen less in some of the last 15 years. In 2008 it almost dipped down to average, but otherwise there’s been a steady increase of +0.3 or higher since 2001. The increase in global temperatures may have flattened out but global temperatures themselves have not returned to normal, in fact they more than a half-degree higher than when Steve Fielding was going through puberty.

I’m hoping Steve can pop around for a cup of rooibos tea and a Marie biscuit to explain to me where in his God’s name he got this graph, whether he thinks its title is deceiptful and if he genuinely believes it disproves a link between CO2 emissions and global warming. Just don’t bother dressing up as an inanimate object, and leave your Bible at home.

Family First Senator Steve Fielding (did you know he trained as an engineer?) has carefully studied both sides of the anthropogenic climate change argument and taken a side.

Family First Senator Steve Fielding has made up his mind on global warming – there’s not enough evidence that it’s real.

If only the AGW model was proposed in a collection of 2000-year-old texts of dubious authorship. That way there would be enough evidence.

In other news, Steve recently started taking the anti-swine flu medication Tamiflu because his sister-in-law contracted the virus. Poor old Steve copped a hard time from cynics who declared it was a stunt, detractors who thought it couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy, and even his own son who loves a good practical joke.

Steve was forced to write a post on his blog, defending the precautionary use of Tamiflu.

There have been plenty of reports on swine flu coming to Parliament House as though I am some form of carrier pigeon from Victoria. First of all I have no symptoms.

Like everyone else I have been told I am no more likely of contracting swine flu than the average Joe from Melbourne.

The truth of the matter is my sister in law was in quarantine at my family home over the weekend as she was quite ill and had no where else to go.

I have been told by doctors and the parliamentary nurse that I am of little risk of contracting or carrying swine flu.

This whole issue has been blown out of proportion and wasn’t a stunt like was reported in The Australian online.

Reporters at a press conference earlier today suggested I was being selfish by being in Canberra this week.

But given the advice I have received by doctors, telling me I am at no more risk than the average Victorian, I thought it best I go to work given the important climate change legalisation before the Parliament.

I’m currently taking a precautionary course of Tamiflu.

But this is only a precaution.

Commenter Gaz was relieved.

Well, Senator, I hope you manage to avoid swine flu and that if you are infected that the Tamiflu works properly.

Fingers crossed on that one, of course. After all, it was designed by scientists using computer models.

But I do hope you don’t succumb to the virus, otherwise you won’t be able to apologise to the Australian people when the temperature sets new records and you realise how gullible you have been.
Comment by Gaz on 24 June 2009 at 02:59:02 PM

Fielding: pwned.

Here’s Steve in today’s Australian arguing that one must open their mind to the possibility that popular opinion is wrong.

Only 500 years ago, people believed Earth was the centre of the universe and the sun and planets revolved around it. Anyone who dared challenge this idea was denounced as a heretic and punished by imprisonment, torture or in some cases even death. Public debate on this issue was strictly prohibited. It is only on account of people such as Copernicus and Galileo, who dared question the “indisputable science”, that we now know these assertions to be false. For me, these events are in many ways reminiscent of the present debate on climate change. Though thankfully we do not persecute those arguing against the idea of human-induced global warming, a blind acceptance of only one perspective has meant that proper debate on this issue has essentially been stifled. Opponents of the popular opinion that global warming is a direct result of carbon emissions, a group that includes many notable and distinguished scientists, are often derided and quickly dismissed.

It is for this reason that I headed to Washington this week on a self-funded trip to look at the science and facts behind global warming. I am neither a climate sceptic nor a climate extremist. What I am, however, is open-minded.

As an engineer, I have been trained to listen to both sides of the debate in order to make an informed decision about any issue. Any scientist worth their salt will tell you that in order to form a conclusive view about any topic, you need to properly explore all available possibilities.

I look forward to Steve turning his eagle eye and open mind to the evidence-free faith that informs his decisions to oppose abortion, voluntary euthanasia, gay marriage and the rest of his religious policy platforms.

Earlier this week Steve Fielding got a little bit confused while listening to his son talking.

But came to a quick conclusion about the term’s meaning.

And now it’s entered Fielding’s everyday vocabulary.

Senate Estimates are really milf!

The chicken korma at the APH cafe is totally milf.

Coco Pops for breakfast. They’re totally milf.

Susan just snapped at me, told me to stop referring to myself in conversation as “Family First”, that my name is “Steve” … Told her to chill out, that’s everything’s milf.

Milf is the new black.

Reading through Steve Fielding transcripts is heaps of fun. Is there another politician who can mangle a metaphor or cliche quite as effectively as the lone Family First nutter? Check out this one (PDF) from Senate estimates the other day:

CHAIR—Thank you. Are there any further questions on this topic before we go to Senator Fielding for
another issue?

Senator FIELDING—I would like to tap onto that one issue if I can, thank you.

CHAIR—Yes, certainly.

The Chair should’ve said no. You’re not allowed to “tap onto” anything without first giving it a star rating.

Anyway, at a different hearing on the same day Our Steve proposed (PDF) giving crack Federal Police squads the power to raid milk bars that sell pornography.

Senator FIELDING— … Given the seriousness of the breach, have you or the department recommended anywhere that we should have a federal law so that we are not beholden to the states in cracking down on pornography being so readily available in corner shops and milk bars and so that we can get on with it and use the AFP? We can send the federal police into the Northern Territory but we cannot send them in to deal with pornography being sold in milk bars, corner shops and petrol stations. I find that absurd.

Apparently “families” are concerned.

Senator FIELDING— … You are clearly being played here. You are a soft touch and you are saying that the parliament of Australia is soft on this issue. Putting up with the states on this issue is not fair to Australian families, who are clearly concerned about this issue.

Bullshit. The Pentecostal Church is.

But the best bit in that hearing was when the Classification and Review Board dude being questioned gave Fielding a lesson on legislation.

Senator FIELDING—Wrappers are another issue. Who stipulated that wrappers should be placed on these materials?

Mr McDonald—It is in the legislation.

Senator FIELDING—Federal legislation?

Mr McDonald—Yes.

Give it up, Steve.

Family First Senator Steve Fielding is accused of nepotism and of rorting politicians’ perks.

Federal MPs are exploiting a loophole to employ wives and other family members on taxpayer-funded salaries.

[...]

Even Family First leader Steve Fielding is keeping it all in the family, hiring his wife – Susan Head – as an adviser.

Family First Senator Steve Fielding defends putting his family first.

Oh, Steve Fielding, you wacky dipshit. Malcolm Turnbull and his party of members and Senators elected by primary vote percentages in double figures have thwarted your cunning plan.

The Liberal party’s cave in on the alcopops tax shows that under pressure Turnbull will fold every time, Family First Leader, Senator Steve Fielding said today.

[...]

“The Coalition’s capitulation will be seen by the Government as a green light to ram bad policy through the Senate because it knows the opposition will do anything it can to avoid an early election.”

Unfortunately for Fielding, his continued intention to block the alcopops tax is clearly seen by everyone else as an attempt to force an early election, given that the reduced Senate quota of 7.7% is the bottle-suited one’s only hope (slim as it may be) of re-election.

“Family First has always opposed the alcopops tax because it turns a $15.3 billion binge drinking epidemic into a tax issue and fails to grasp the seriousness of the problem.”

Bullshit.

Leigh Sales: If… you vote against the alcopops tax, you could be giving the Government the ammunition it needs to call a double dissolution election. Given that you would be possibly finding it difficult to hold onto your Senate place in that scenario, given that you relied on Labor preferences last time around, are you prepared to potentially send the whole nation to an election and lose your own job over this issue?

Steve Fielding: If that poncy little turd pulls a double dissolution I’ll wring his fucking neck.

Kerry O’Brien: Family First’s Steve Fielding has accused you of introducing to the Senate your alcopops Bill a second time to create a double dissolution trigger.

Kevin Rudd: I’ve got that God-bothering dipshit by the balls.

You may take Steve Fielding’s pride, but you’ll never take his Bacardi Breezers.

Because when Teh Fielding says ‘no’, Teh Fielding means ‘no’.

Fresh from pathetically trying to flex his unrepresentative muscle in the Senate, in the process scuttling legislation that would likely go towards achieving the stated goals of his Party (sic), Steve Fielding wakes up the morning after the night before.

Ever since Steve Fielding entered Parliament he’s been working hard to disguise his efforts to socially engineer Australia in line with the Pentecostal Church’s teachings. Just like a kid who plays a car in a school production, Steve’s been walking around in a cardboard box strung over his shoulders, “FAMILY” emblazoned on the side.

Steve’s latest ploy has been to link divorce to climate change.

“We understand that there is a social problem (with divorce), but now we’re seeing there is also environmental impact as well on the footprint,” [Fielding] said.

“Mitigating the impacts of resource-inefficient lifestyles such as divorce helps to achieve global environmental sustainability and saves money.”

Brilliant! Fielding thinks that divorce is bad because the Church thinks divorce is bad, but most Australians accept it as a necessary part of life, so Fielding tries to link divorce to something that most Australians do think is bad. Those Family First strategy meetings must be fascinating. And it’s not only me who thinks Steve’s nutty pronouncements are worthy of ridicule — he’s been reported in overseas newspapers as the “oddspot” overseas political nutbag.

Oh, Steve. Does nobody take you seriously?

ABC News has published a hard-hitting story about fake Twitter accounts, including GrodsCorp’s favourite, Andrew Bolt.

However, ABC incorrectly identifies Family First Senator Steve Fielding’s account as fake. I’ve been carefully watching Steve on Twitter since he bumbled into the murky Web2.0 world early this morning and he’s definitely for real.

Initially he encountered technical difficulties.

Joined Twitter. Can’t work out how to add picture. Checked Bible but no help.

So he went looking for help.

Called Danny Nalliah to see if he knows how to add picture to Twitter. No help.

Checking Torah for clues on picture uploading.

But then things started to go wrong.

Damn! Torah in some squiggly language that I don’t understand. I hope it’s not Muslim.

Ran in tears to Susan. She assured me that I won’t catch Arab from accidentally reading Muslim.

After that traumatic episode Steve turned his attention towards ensuring he has support at the 2010 poll.

Have started phoning each person that voted ‘1′ for me in 2004. Should be finished on Friday.

Phew – hard work. All supporters are busy either homeschooling their kids or playing bingo in their nursing homes.

But there was a little speed bump.

Called supporter. Accidentally said, “Hi, it’s Steve Fielding from Fitness First here.” Embarrassment much?

Two other Tweeters replied to Steve’s amusing anecdote. @parissite said “Don’t worry – I’m pretty sure that you have said “Family Fist” to your other supporter on more than one occasion”, and @Pollytics said “2yrs ago had a door knocker with thick accent say “I’m So & So from Family Fist.” I couldnt stop laughing, poor bloke.” Confused, Steve asked for more information.

@Pollytics @parissite I don’t get it. What’s so funny about the word “fist”?

And then the wheels fell off.

Looked up “fist” on Urban Dictionary. Teary again. Susan wrapped me in blanky for cuddles and hot Milo.

After such a horribly emotional and traumatic day it’s rather insensitive of ABC News to accuse Steve Fielding of being a fraud. For shame.