The Editor, John Surname, Jeremy Sear, Keri, Chuck A. Spear and Craig discuss:

* Teh gays
* Cab driver and teacher strikes
* Austrian hostages in basements
* SBS hidden cameras
* Ronaldo’s man-whore problem
* Bill Heffernan vs. Justice Kirby in the GrodsThink naked cagefight

** Because Ant Rogenous is using all the bandwidth to download instructional Fleshlight videos use only the “Play in popup” link or the “Download” link. **

 

 GrodsThink 15 (6 May 2008) [32:01m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

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I’ve been reading over the media reports of the new pay deal for teachers that has brought The Editor almost to the brink of orgasm - and, as expected, some things don’t add up. According to Victorian politicians the deal makes the state’s teachers “the highest paid in the country”, and The Age’s little insert certainly seems to verify this:

State-by-state teacher salaries:
Maximum for a classroom teacher
Victoria - 2007: $65,414, 2008: $75,500
NSW - 2007: $72,454, 2008: $75,352
Queensland - 2007: $69,225, 2008: $71,994
South Australia - 2007: $68,422, 2008: $68,422
West Australia - 2007: $67,446, 2008: $71,206
ACT - 2007: $71,767, 2008: $74,279
Northern Territory: 2007: $70,047, 2008: $72,849

Sounds good, classroom teachers getting a $10k raise straight-up this year. Yet when you read the fine print that’s not actually how it works: the additional $10k will be phased in over three years: 4.9% in the first (about $3,200, taking them to about $68,600) and 2.7% in the second and third years of the agreement. That still leaves them well below NSW teachers at any given time.

In 2010 Victorian teachers’ pay will certainly overtake NSW teachers’ salary rates - but they’ll be the NSW salary rates of 2008 - and it’s highly likely that NSW teachers will have renegotiated their own agreement by then (it expires this year). Brumby and Pike’s claim that Victorian teachers will be the best-paid in Australia looks to be smoke-and-mirrors.

But it’s not all doom and gloom - The Editor gets $1000 to put on the bar at the Grodscorp Christmas Party. Huzzah!

UPDATE

According to the press today I am wrong, that this $10k pay jump is instantaneous and those scumbag Maoist teachers are actually getting 33-38% over the life of the agreement (sounds a bit far-fetched if you ask me). But the government is still sticking to its 4.9% thang. We’ll probably have to rely on The Ed to give us a clearer picture once he receives his new pay scales (if he has sobered up by then). 

Also, Zombie Mao informs us that the Oz is informing us that this will be the end of the fiscal world as we know it.

Today’s Crikey has an interesting snippet:

I have been told that some Victorian state school principals get a percentage bonus if they can make staff savings within the school. For example, if a teacher goes on long service leave, and instead of being replaced by another teacher, they are replaced by the teachers within the school (as extras or in-lieus, which cost the school nothing), then the principal gets a percentage of the money that would have gone to hiring the teacher. My current principal apparently got a five figure bonus last year from this. It may just be Victorian Education Dept policy, or it may be a school based one, I’m not too sure.

Speaking as one of the poor (and regularly striking) underpaid teachers, I think it stinks to high heaven. That the school administration makes these decisions … based on personal profit, not educational lines, is wrong. That this is hidden from most staff is even worse. Incidentally, the feeling among many Victorian state teachers is either: a) We should be taking more comprehensive action (like the nurses last year) to achieve our goals, ie. full day strikes, but we are too bound by the old workchoices legislation. b) We should be withdrawing our support and involvement in the extra-curricular activities we do. The only way the parents can see how under pressure we are.

Teachers have been against performance-based pay for ages, saying how it’s good in theory but impractical and indefinable in practice. But this is evidence that performance-based pay is possible: just work your way up to principal, screw your colleagues over, save the department a fat wad of cash and walk away with enough for a new plasma TV and a trip to Fiji.

On another note, what should The Ed be withdrawing or withholding to give added teeth to the strike? I suggest he refuses to give out any stale Minties, lend any colour pencils and post any more Fleshlight jokes until Pike coughs up his 10 per cent.   

Yesterday Victorian teachers stopped work in support of a pay rise that is above the rate of inflation and that reflects the fact that we are the lowest paid teachers in the country, a reduction in the number of teachers (20%) on short-term contracts, and smaller class sizes. I met my comrades from work at 8:30am for a couple of lattes before jumping on a tram to the city. Even though Craig isn’t a teacher, but a self-employed IT technician, he gave his boss the finger and went on a sympathy strike.

As we walked along the Yarra River towards the Vodafone Arena we sung The Internationale and swore pledges of allegiance to Marxism and Che Guevara.

Upon arrival at the Vodafone Arena we were heartened by the sea of workers proudly dressed in the colour of socialism.

After listening to stirring speeches about the evils of capitalism and unthinkingly endorsing whatever resolutions the union leadership told us to we marched as one towards Parliament House.

At Parliament House we shouted, screamed and snarled to let Premier John Brumby know how angry we were.

After chanting some witty slogans we did what all good teachers do in the afternoon of a strike day: we hit the piss.

As The Editor today goes on strike and attends a rally in the CBD (interspersed, no doubt, with a couple of lattes) he should heed the words of disgruntled Mornington mum Karon Baker:

“What other person earns a 10% increase every year?” she asked. “It’s absurd that they believe they’re due a 30% pay rise over three years. I think that’s absolutely ridiculous… Teachers are starting to put themselves up on pedestals and it’s about time they were knocked down again,” she said.

She’s got good reason to feel annoyed, Ed. Her daughter, a Year 11 student, has missed a day’s part-time work because you Mao-loving commie bastards went on strike out of the blue (i.e. organised three months ago) as part of your greedy grab-for-cash. It is ludicrous that you bludging teachers expect parity with your fellow commies in other states while ROBBING TEENAGERS OF THEIR PART-TIME JOBS! I mean it’s not like they should be studying, learning from their crappily-paid teachers or anything important like that … not when there’s $7.85-an-hour shifts at McDonald’s, Bi-Lo or Woolies to be had. Hang your head in shame, Ed.

Meanwhile, an equally rounded ‘expert’ on education (he allegedly attended school) teachers (he’s married to one) and Kevin Rudd (he reads Tim Blair) proffers a completely unbiased evaluation of the ALP’s education policy here.

UPDATE
Herald-Sun readers join in the fight to bring those uppity teachers down a peg or two:

“Teachers have it easy. They technically work 5 hours a day & they get 14 weeks off a year. They have the nerve to claim they are stressed & underpaid.” (Manuk, Glenroy)

“…if they diservie a pay rise 30% who do they think they are ? come one Brumby use the work choices law you have and fine these teachers and fine them hard. AS YOU CAN TELL I CANT SPELL WHOES FAULT THE TEACHERS WHO WENT ON STRIKE.” (Ray, Werribee)

“They might be worth a pay rise if they could teach any other thing apart from left wing propaganda.” (Sam, Melbourne)

“Why do teachers demand a pay rise, when kids today cant read or write . how about the community walfare people working with dangoures people now thay deserve a pay rise no you teachers.” (Elena, Melbourne)

Cop that Ed!