Right, so everyone’s flapping their gums about MasterChef Australia at the minute. I thought the show was pants, but that’s beside the point. What really worries me is that amid all the chatter about judges, culinary techniques, TV ratings, Hainanese chicken rice, comfort food, cookbook-publishing deals and dumbfuck newspapers that can’t even correctly report the winner of a TWO-HORSE RACE, people may be losing sight of what’s really important:

Oh, and bugger me with a fish-fork if the woman who won isn’t a dead ringer for a certain Pamela Allen children’s book character:

Reading through Steve Fielding transcripts is heaps of fun. Is there another politician who can mangle a metaphor or cliche quite as effectively as the lone Family First nutter? Check out this one (PDF) from Senate estimates the other day:

CHAIR—Thank you. Are there any further questions on this topic before we go to Senator Fielding for
another issue?

Senator FIELDING—I would like to tap onto that one issue if I can, thank you.

CHAIR—Yes, certainly.

The Chair should’ve said no. You’re not allowed to “tap onto” anything without first giving it a star rating.

Anyway, at a different hearing on the same day Our Steve proposed (PDF) giving crack Federal Police squads the power to raid milk bars that sell pornography.

Senator FIELDING— … Given the seriousness of the breach, have you or the department recommended anywhere that we should have a federal law so that we are not beholden to the states in cracking down on pornography being so readily available in corner shops and milk bars and so that we can get on with it and use the AFP? We can send the federal police into the Northern Territory but we cannot send them in to deal with pornography being sold in milk bars, corner shops and petrol stations. I find that absurd.

Apparently “families” are concerned.

Senator FIELDING— … You are clearly being played here. You are a soft touch and you are saying that the parliament of Australia is soft on this issue. Putting up with the states on this issue is not fair to Australian families, who are clearly concerned about this issue.

Bullshit. The Pentecostal Church is.

But the best bit in that hearing was when the Classification and Review Board dude being questioned gave Fielding a lesson on legislation.

Senator FIELDING—Wrappers are another issue. Who stipulated that wrappers should be placed on these materials?

Mr McDonald—It is in the legislation.

Senator FIELDING—Federal legislation?

Mr McDonald—Yes.

Give it up, Steve.

Riding home from work this afternoon I made a stunning discovery: a cosy little bar in Brunswick is offering so much more than beer, wine and spirits.

Your ale comes with a happy ending

No further commentary necessary for this Wikipedia entry (here, anyway):

Tap pants are a form of lingerie worn exclusively by women. They are also known by the names of French knickers, side-cut shorts, and dance shorts.

And… go!

(Via Keri.)

The following picture could be the logo for the hot new iPhone game from, ahem, “Tapulous”, or it could be a visual representation of the feeling you have, after you have a really messy breakup with someone, when you manage to sleep with their best friend/sister/father/spin instructor:

I’ll leave it up to you to guess which, GrodsReaders. Winner gets a lightly-braised two-headed kitten.

This video is great for two reasons:

1) Sarah Palin’s rabbit-in-the-headlights inability to name a single newspaper that she reads; and
2) The terminology employed by Katie Couric at the 9 second mark.

(Thanks to GrodsReader Jason for the link)

After the most recent GrodsCastThink was completed, Ant Rogenous suddenly slammed down his beer, grabbed us all by the scruff of our necks (he’s big) and demanded to know, under threat of torture, Julie Bishop – tap?

What do you think fellow GrodsReaders?