There’s been some dodgy shit going on with the Liberals’ transcripts of Dr Bren-doc (I’m a doctor) Nelson’s doorstop interviews for some time, but finally the Libs seems to have learned not to put the most excruciatingly embarrassing doorstop fuckups of Nelson’s on the net. As at 9pm tonight there’s no sign of today’s infamous doorstop on the Libs website.

We’ve seen before some dodgy doorstop transcript action coming out of Brendan Nelson’s office, but this effort from last Friday is pretty bloody awesome. Check out how gnarly the transcript gets when Bren-doc gets asked the hard Costello questions.

QUESTION: On a federal issue [inaudible] Peter Costello is undeniably the best political asset now that Howard is gone [inaudible]

DR NELSON: Well look…

It’s a black hawk. [inaudible] The guys are doing a training exercise. Yeah. [inaudible] Yeah, that’s right – Morris is being evacuated from the building.

The only I have got to say is that I am attending and I will be addressing a function tonight in Melbourne in honour of the extraordinary public service to date of Peter Costello in Australia. He is a truly great Australian. We are a stronger, more prosperous and confident country as a result of Peter’s management of the economy, particularly over the last almost 12 years.

What. The. Fuck. “It’s a black hawk. [inaudible] The guys are doing a training exercise. Yeah. [inaudible] Yeah, that’s right – Morris is being evacuated from the building.” Is that seriously pieced together from words that came out of Nelson’s mouth, or is it some stray cut-and-paste action from the work experience kid’s (and office transcriber) internet browsing adventures?

And the next question/ answer exchange in the interview is extremely enlightening.

QUESTION: [inaudible]

DR NELSON: Well look I’ve got nothing else to add to it.

Fair enough.

Quite frankly, given Brendan Nelson’s atrocious performance in doorstop and radio interviews it surprises me that the Liberal party even put transcripts on their website. But if they’re going to put them up they should put them up intact. Here’s a snippet from Nelson’s doorstop in Gippsland today according to the Libs.

QUESTION: Are you confident you’ll be leading the Liberals at the next election?

DR NELSON: Yes, very confident.

But here’s the same snippet according to The Age.

Asked if he was confident he would be leading the opposition to the next election, he said: “As confident as I can… yes, very confident.”

See how they’ve cunningly left out the bit that makes the good doctor look like (more of a) dick?

If you need any more proof here’s some ABC footage (at 2min 06sec) of the doctored statement in question.

Oh, and here’s another interesting chunk of the transcript.

QUESTION: [inaudible]

DR NELSON: Instant a lot of the time.

What’s the bet that the question was “what kind of coffee do you drink?” in response to this statement of Nelson’s earlier in the doorstop?

The Labor Party has a track record of being captivated and high-jacked by left leaning, latte sippers in large suburban cities.

And what’s the bet that the question wasn’t actually inaudible?